It’s do or die.

The moments leading up to this had been peaceful. Calming and relaxing. I had brought Vaulk into my mind as easily as I could bring Raiyden or Tomuraan. We had spent time together and he’d been a good distraction for me. I knew the storm was close and I just wanted to see him one more time before all of this. 

The darkness engulfs me as completely as a burial shroud. Even my innate force sense of sight cannot penetrate this darkness. It batters my very core, shaking me, stripping me away to bare nothing.  Everything I knew is gone.  Everything I had become is painfully stripped away, layer by layer; experience by experience and I am stricken to my very core.

The cliff side erodes inch by inch and as I dig my heels into the rocky ground, I summon up every bit of will power to fight this storm. The world is crumbling around me and I witness everything I have ever been had ever hoped to become shredded by the screaming air as it tears my little world apart. 

Am I dying? Is this what dying feels like?  

Just one more time before I go
I’ll let you know
That all this time I’ve been afraid
Wouldn’t let it show
Nobody can save me now, no
Nobody can save me now

I hear the voices now. They’re screaming at me. The voices of the countless people I’ve killed. Whether I felt they deserved it or not. Whether someone else arbitrarily decided they needed to die for their world views. Every man, woman and child I let die because I didn’t make it in time or I couldn’t save them- the need of the many outweighing the needs of the few.

They whisper “…why” 

…”I hate you! you didn’t save us!” 

…. “you deserve everything that happens to you…” 

…”Rot in hell.” 

…” you are a shame to your order!” 

…”Sick. You’re sick…”

Every word is like a blow, physical and painful. A fist to the gut, knife to the back or a brutal kick to the face. It’s torture and it nearly drives me to my knees, but I manage. I manage to stagger forward and push my will forward.  it’s everything I can do to stay on my feet, but I try. 

The screaming intensifies, the words become harsher. Calling me names and accusing me of things I’d never done. The words continue to hurt. to tear at my very soul. I feel them chipping away at my essence, putting chinks in the armor that I have tried to build myself up with. The cracks start to widen, becoming gaps that I can’t protect or even try to turn away from these knife like words that bury deep into me.

Stars are only visible in darkness
Fear is ever-changing and evolving
And I, I feel poison inside
But I, I feel so alive

 

I am terrified. I can’t stop this. Why can’t I stop this?  Why can’t I will this to leave me! I am lost in this storm and I can’t find my way out. There’s no way out and I’m clawing, tearing at everything around me. Shredding the voices and the feelings and the negative emotions. The memories of things i buried deep down inside of my mind. Things I never wanted to remember but I’m forced to. It’s laid bare before me and I tear it apart. 

The past is shredded. My fights with Raiyden, my nights with Tomuraan, my joys, my sorrows. My moments in the sun and my dark nights that defined me as a person. Every memory, every experience is torn away from me in this maelstrom of my mind. It’s all I can do to try and hold on, keep myself together as much as I can. 

I’m so tired. So tired and scared and alone. I want Raiyden. I want Tomuraan, Vaulk, Neirov.  I want my companions and friends with me. I need them to back me up and keep me safe and sane. 

But I’m alone. So utterly, completely and inexplicably alone. The darkness is so complete and I can’t struggle. I’m tired. So damned tired and scared.

Nobody can save you now
The king is crowned
It’s do or die
Nobody can save me now
The only sound
Is the battle cry
Is the battle cry
Is the battle cry
Nobody can save me now
It’s do or die…

Just make it stop. Make it stop. Someone save me.

“Save yourself.” 

The words pierce me like a thousand needles. How I imagine burning skin would feel if suddenly doused in water. It hurts and it almost drops me completely. I just want to lay down right there and let go. I just want…so much…to let go. 

“Get up and save yourself, you worthless prat.”

The words infuriate me. They make me angry and I want to slap the smug son of a bitch who said that. But i have no hands. I have no body to do anything with.  But the words, they make me rage and I scream with a broken voice to back off. I am worth something. I always have been and I always will be. 

I’m good at what I did. I wasn’t at fault for all those people I couldn’t save. Everyone I did save though is what matters. I saved my friends, my family countless times and there is no doubt in my heart, my mind that I have done the best I could do given any of the circumstances I had to face. 

I raise my fists, i raise my voice and I scream into that maelstrom and i defy it. I dare it to destroy me. I goad it into trying to tear me apart. 

I fight. 

I do what I have always been taught to do. To fight for others and now I fight for myself. 

Just one more time before I go
I’ll let you know
That all this time I’ve been afraid
Wouldn’t let it show
Nobody can save me now, no
Nobody can save me now
Truth of my convictions pour through me. 
The light descends on me and everything is bright. I’m helpless as I’m pulled away. Pulled inside out and twisted and torn. Then I am put together again. Made whole.
 
My world explodes and I am consumed.
 
Stars are only visible in darkness
Fear is ever-changing and evolving
And I, I feel poison inside
But I, I feel so alive
 
 

 

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Is it worth saving me?

I figured out some things. 

How to function better here in my little mind scape better than i was doing before. Tom and Raiyden helped me out a little as well as Nago. I still have no idea who Nago is, but he’s willing to help and that’s something I could use right now. The power of my imagination is almost limitless here. If I’ve seen it, I can make it appear. I just have to know the details, the way things were as I remember them. 

I think that’s why I imagined the beach first. Because I love the beach and the oceans. Glee Anselm is one of my favorite memories. The warm air, and the warmer water along with the smell of the salty breeze. It was so soothing. Especially after all the nightmares we’d been living through back then. The time I spent with Tomuraan was pretty special.

Now, I have managed to find my way up this cliff side. It took Raiydens help to find the way up, but we did it. I miss my brother so much and my heart aches every time I see him; but at the same time I am so happy to finally get a chance to hear his voice. He talks to me about what’s going on out there, how things are going.  It’s strange to hear someone talk about you like you’re not there. But I’m not. I’m here, stuck in this twilight zone of … this. This quasi-existence. 

Prison gates won’t open up for me
On these hands and knees I’m crawlin’
Oh, I reach for you

Well I’m terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can’t hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I’m callin’
And all I scream for you
Hurry I’m fallin’, I’m fallin’

Vaulk came to visit. I think I wanted him to come, to see me. To talk to me and keep me entertained. We didn’t say much, just walked quietly along the beach up the path and to the small house I’ve made for myself. There really wasn’t much to talk about, mostly small talk about the girls and how things were going in the outside world.  It was good to see him though, to hear his voice and to just sit in silence while the storm moved ever closer. It’s almost always dark now, almost always a perpetual darkness that can’t seem to go away and I can’t help but be scared by it. 

I hear whispers in the storm. I can’t quite make out what they say, but I can hear the hissing and cracking of words. Like dead leaves scraping on a window. The kind of sound that makes me want to hide under the blankets and cover my ears. Like I used to when I was a child and we’d get those awful storms on Tython. I’m afraid of what the whispers say, even more afraid of what the storm will bring.

I just want to hide. I’ve tried to will the storm away and it just continues ever onward, moving closer and closer. I can’t even go to the beach now because the waves are too high. It’s completely obliterated the small lean-to I had and I can hear the waves crash against the cliff wall; a never ending background noise I fall asleep to every night.

Some part of me wonders if I really want to live. It I should just let go. I’ve caused so much hurt out there and I’m scared to go back out there and know that I could possibly hurt more. Tom and I spoke at length about all the things that happened and that we’ve always come back stronger and more resilient than before. That we could do good and have to have faith in people around me. Faith in Ashla and Bogan. 

have faith. I know I do. When I left the other I discovered that my people had a deep rooted ideal of believing in a god and goddess. I fell into that religion with a fervor. My god and goddess are as much as part of my life as Raiyden is. Or Tom. Even Arten or Neirov. The people I love with my whole being. If my goddess or god asked me to sacrifice myself for the good of my people, i would do so without hesitation, without question and with every fiber of my being would I throw myself wholly into the way of whatever threatened the Miraluka people. 

Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me

Now I’m faced with this choice. Do I let go or do I stand and face the storm? Do I come back and deal with what the fates have dealt me? Become something better than what I was previous to this? I used to make these decisions for not only myself but for others. I used to be able to make choices for people who would lay their lives down for me as much as I would for them and here I am, unable to decide if I want to let go of my own life to move on to whatever awaits me in whatever afterlife my creators have deemed me worthy of or if I want to remain and come back to the place where I left off, pick up the pieces and move on. To move past the bitterness,the hurt and the anger that I’ve felt manifest in me over the past few months. 

Am i worth the effort? Like I told Tomuraan, I was so focused on worrying about what other people thought of me. Worried about what people who really didn’t affect me one way or another thought about me. That I wanted people to care about me when they didn’t need to or have to and I let that bitterness get to me. Those people I tried hard to get to notice me, notice that I was capable and willing to help out. Those who didn’t really didn’t care. When I had people like Raiyden, Xaishen, Tom and Jallira to worry about me. To care whether I lived or died. I know they do and I know that it’s because of them that I’m here and clinging to a ghost of a life that in the end, is ultimately up to me as to whether or not I go back to them or if I move onto the next life. 

They are what matter most. They are what I would choose to live for. Not anyone else. There is a fine line between duty and loyalty. I messed that up. I blurred the lines and i ultimately ended up feeling betrayed by people who had no ill intent. They were just on a different side of the line than I thought they ought to be. 

Heaven’s gates won’t open up for me
With these broken wings I’m fallin’
And all I see is you

These city walls ain’t got no love for me
I’m on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And all I scream for you
Come please I’m callin’

And all I need from you
Hurry I’m fallin’, I’m fallin’

More peals of thunder and crack of lightning. I jump with each crack and I try to build the walls up around that much more. But the storm will come. I’ll have to face this head on and I’ll have to raise my fist in defiance or I’ll have to bend and break under the gale force winds. 

Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me

 

I am sinking.

Caer sat on a beach, watching the waves roll towards her bared feet and legs and then back out into the vastness of the ocean that spread before her. She was wrapped in only the simplest of summer dresses. The sun seemed to be just the right temperature, the wind blew just right.  She wanted to say that she was on Glee Anselm but it wasn’t right… something was off. 

Her brows furrowed as she folded one ankle over the other. She had to get back to something though. Something important. The kind of important that one didn’t so easily forget. But what was it?

Give me release
witness me
I am outside
give me peace

“Maybe it’s not so important.” A male voice spoke up next to her and Caer couldn’t help but jump. A man with tanned skin, black hair and a beard smiled and motioned for her to remain seated. “Excuse the intrusion.”

Caer nodded warily and scooted over a little to put a bit of distance between them. The man looked amused and chuckled. “Are you always so untrusting?”

“I’ve got cause to be… people don’t usually show up randomly on other peoples beaches and start talking to them like they know each other. Who are you anyway?” Caer tried to place the mans face, the aura and couldn’t. 

“Well, you can call me Nago. I heard your question and felt I should come and speak with you.” Nago gave a small dip of his head. “Do you really think that what you wish to do is terribly important?”

Caer gave him an odd look. “you have no idea what I think is important or not. You don’t even know me or what I do.” 

“Alright then, tell me what you do.” He gave a genial smile and gestured to Caer to go on. He got comfortable and seemed to not mind that Caer was still wary of him. 

“I help others. Least I thought I did, or I was; but too many people got hurt under my watch. Now I’m here.” Caer gestured vaguely to the area around them. “I was helping some people I cared about and now… now I think I’m in purgatory for letting them down.”

“Maybe you are. What was so important about a bunch of women who sold their bodies for sex that you would die for them?” Nago turned his gaze from the ocean to her. “Importantly why would you willingly work for a man who for all intents and purposes makes money from these women? A Sith no less?”

Caer pursed her lips and looked to the man. “Look, I don’t know who or what you think you are, but those women have every right to be protected and to live as much as you or I. These women do the things they do because they want to, not because they have to. And do you honestly think anyone else is going to help them? If they went to some Hutt they’d be laughed out of their strongholds.”

“You could be doing more important work. Helping save the galaxy or helping protect Senate members.” Nago gestured to her. “You’re strong, have a lot of experience and you’re respected among the Luka Sene.”

“You know who call themselves heroes? Egomaniac white-knight wannabes. That’s who. People who delude themselves into thinking that they are so well known, so well liked and so well regarded that they basically storm in and all but use ‘i’m here to free the shit out of you’ as their battle cry.” Caer snorted and picked up a pebble, tossing it into the water. “They’re the type of people who are so concerned about justifying their own causes that they can’t accept the idea that some people don’t want help or saved.”. 

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
and I wanted to believe
that I’d get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

“Rather vehement statement from someone who is so devoted to balance.” Nago chuckled as he too picked up small rocks and flung them into the water. 

“It’s not a matter of balance. The light can be just as damning and damaging as the dark. Any good student of Ashla and Bogan understand this. Anybody who understands balance knows this. The light side can be just as oppressing as the dark side. Rules, regulations, requirements, laws on top of laws all for the safety and integrity of society. These things can crush the will and hope of those who live in the land of the ‘free’ as much as anyone who lives under the law of tyranny and hate. How can anyone want to live in either world?” Caer rubbed the bridge of her nose and scooped up a handful of sand, watching it slide between her fingers. 

“Many do not understand the difference. Do you think people are happy to live under tyranny and hate?” Nago watched her approvingly. “You have to keep in mind that these people may have known something different before tyranny and hate came into their lives.”

“Who knows? We’d have to ask them. Some people thrive on fear. Some break under it. Just like some thrive on laws and rules and regulations while others chafe and buck at the system put in place to protect them. There’s always extremes as well.” Caer kept her face directed towards the ocean. She found the constant rolling of the waves soothing. 

In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe

“And that is why you choose to live on a lawless planet with a man who sells women for sex and drugs? Because that is balance?” Nago continued to watch the young woman sitting next to him. 

“No. I don’t care about the sex or the drugs or that people are making money off of either. That doesn’t interest me.” Caer spoke resolutely. 

“Then what is it? Why is it so important to you?” 

Caer took a deep breath and then faced the man fully, shifting to rest on her knees and fold her hands in her lap. “Because I have to. There is nothing out there in that galaxy that I need or want to do other than protect those who can’t help themselves. Who’s voices are too small, who’s bodies are too hidden in shadows for anyone to take notice of them. Because I know damn well any so called hero I know? Wouldn’t blink twice and just continue to walk on by if any random whore on the street begged them to stop the killings. Those girls? They don’t deserve that. Five of them are dead because of me. Five. They died in terror and pain. Nobody would hear them cry.” 

Caer fell silent after a moment. Taking a shaky breath. “But I do. Every night I go to sleep. Every night since the first, I hear them crying and pleading for their lives.”

Passion chokes the flower
’til she cries no more
possessing all the beauty
hungry still for more

Nago turned his face away from her and watched the sun slowly sink into the ocean, the sky blowing up into brilliant, pinks, purples and greys. “A noble cause.” 

“No. It’s not a noble cause. It’s called being a decent sentient being. Something the Jedi order forgets. Something that many heroes forget. Something the Senate and other people all the galaxy over forget. Too busy preening their egos, fluffing each others egos… impressing the people with the money and the prestige.” Caer looked down at her hands and seemed to just be suddenly tired with her rant to the strange man.

“You have a low opinion of your fellow men and women. It seems to be you’ve let bitterness into your heart and into your mind, letting it poison your thoughts and outlook on life. I feel sorry for you. But I do not pity you. Just that I am sorry you cannot see the more positive things in people and what they strive to do.” Nago got to his feet and brushed sand off of his legs. Staring down at Caer he gave her a sad smile.

Caer got to her feet as well and regarded him with a somewhat aloof expression. “Maybe it’s because I guess it’s hard to see the good when you have to wade through so much crap. Even the most perseverance of people will eventually give up looking for the lost wedding ring they treasure when they’re neck deep in the village outhouse.”

Nago regarded her with a look then threw back his head and laughed. “Interesting analogy, Caer. I’ll have to use that some time. Perhaps we will meet again.”

Caer said nothing as Nago turned and walked away. His form becoming enshrouded in fog until he disappeared entirely. Only then did she sit back down and rest her chin on her knees, wrapping her arms around her legs.

This was such a strange place to her. Now if only she could remember why she was there.

In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe

I have seen you
in this white wave
you are silent
you are breathing
in this white wave
I am free. 

 

Shatter Me.

I see them, standing there each wearing expressions that range from stony and stoic to heart broken and doing their best to hide it. I can see all of them there in this tiny room, nobody saying a word, but the emotions that they are conveying through posture and through expression is enough to feel like they were speaking all at once.

I want to reach out and touch them. Some part of me wants to reach out to those closest to me and just be as reassuring as possible. I was never really good at being very reassuring; one of my many faults that I seem to have cling to me like so many scars.

Voices, quiet and murmuring. Conversation that is on the edge of my hearing. I strain to hear the words, my very being trying to pull closer without being obvious about it; It’s Vaulk and Xaishen speaking and their words are almost inaudible. I try to edge closer, however Vaulk enters the room and I immediately take up my position again and try not to look like I was obviously eaves dropping.

Vaulk looks so tense and is closely followed behind an even more tense looking Xaishen. Xai bends over and whispers something quietly in Raiydens ear and my brother grimaces. He lowered his head and nodded to something.

I wish I could hear them. I wish I could move closer but I feel so rooted to the spot. Like I’m pinned down and unable to reach out to them. Especially my brother. His face, it looks so forlorn and as if he were a little more than lost.

“Raiyden…” My voice is a whisper in a wind, snatched away and shunted off into the dark room. I’m confused now and I don’t know why he isn’t responding to me.

Vaulk looks at me, those gorgeous yellow eyes I can’t help but look at. I open my mouth to speak but I realize he’s not looking at me, he’s looking through me. My mouth slowly closes and my chest aches a bit. Those eyes look cold, frightening. Sith. The kind of Sith I would normally put down for looking at me that way. The kind of look that makes your teeth grit, your muscles tighten and your fingers curl into fists.

He looks away and excuses himself, brushing past me. Xaishen and Tomuraan follow a short time later. Leaving me alone with Raiyden sitting next to an empty bed. My confusion just seems to grow as I see him looking at that bed and then putting a hand to his face, the stubble of his chin rubbing roughly over healers hands.

Again I find myself rooted to this spot, trapped in a tiny bubble. Every time i try to move, to call out it sounds hollow, empty…discordant. It hurts my ears and rings down into the very core of me. Making me want to double over. My head and arms ache. My chest is on fire. The room around me flickers and goes on the fritz, like a bad and corrupted holo-file.

Then it snaps back and I see the room for what it really is; an illusion shattered. Vaulks place, I recognize the room as my own. My effects there, my holo journal and the other assorted clothing I hadn’t yet had a chance to pack away.

Then I see the bed. A lump of flesh lays there, a head rests on the pillow, my pillow. The face a unrecognizable lump of bruises, dried blood and a pulped nose. Swollen lips slightly parted to let out rattling gasps of air- uneven and halted. A handless arm rests on their side, the cybernetics stripped and laid bare for the world to see. The other arm in a held position by a plasti-cast.

I realize what it is. Who it is. My throat catches and I try to reach out, but I’m held back. My voice tries to cry out and I am silenced. My heart breaks knowing I am the cause of these peoples hurt and worry. 

I can’t remember, I can’t remember what happened to me or why I’m like that.

Raiyden pulls a small case from his side, I recognize its shape and what it is immediately. My synth violin! He pulls it open and oh so gently pulls out the instrument and it’s bow. He cradles it under his chin and I see him inhale deeply, playing a soft warm up of scales. His fingers, those delicate, long and life giving fingers touch the strings and grip the bow gently, as if he’s afraid of shattering the instrument.

Then the tune begins. I hear it. It’s not muffled as if played through a bubble. I -feel- it.

I pirouette in the dark
I see the stars through me
Tired mechanical heart
Beats until the song disappears

So haunting, so genuine. The emotions my brother displays on his face, flowing through the world around him through song. He’s always been so good at conveying his moods through our music.He could say a million things with any instrument in his hand and the violin sings an opera of hurt and worry. The feeling of being so alone. 

His fingers dance across the strings like they have a will of their own- maybe they do. The hand drawing the bow is like watching water flow. His expression is one of sorrowful concentration and I feel my own emotions start to come alive. 

I -hurt- for him. Oh gods I hurt for him so much. I want to rush to his side, tell him everything will be okay that things will right itself. Because it always rights itself.  As long as we are together it will always right itself and we’ll come back stronger.  I’m scared. I’m scared by the passion in which he plays. The melody caressing my very soul as if begging it to come back to him.

Somebody shine a light
I’m frozen by the fear in me
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me
So cut me from the line
Dizzy, spinning endlessly
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me!

I can’t help but bring my hands up and start to mimic his movements. Each stroke, each finger movement, each little nuance of the way the body moves as one plays their heart out. I can hear the music double. I can hear us play in tandem. Our melody joins like our souls are joined and we play. 

We play for one another, the ghost and her brother. I realize now everything. I am not here. Not really. My body lays there, broken, battered and shattered. Maybe beyond repair. I have no voice, no way to reach out to those who are trying to fix this broken shell. 

I am a ghost. I’m clinging to the last vestiges of my body and maybe it’s the sheer will of my brother that keeps me here. I look at the shape on the bed and that isn’t me. That isn’t a warriors body. That isn’t my body…. 

So I play. I imagine the bow in my hand, the violin beneath my chin and I play silently with my brother. I play my very soul out. I want him to feel me here! I want him to feel that I am still here and I won’t go anywhere. Not without him. Not without my Souls Mirror. We made a promise. We made a promise when we were children that one couldn’t leave without another.

Shatter me
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me!

If only the clockwork could speak
I wouldn’t be so alone
We burn every magnet and spring
And spiral into the unknown

I watch as Tom and Vaulk stand at the doorway, Xaishen off over to the right of Toms shoulder, listening. I can see them trying to give their silent support of my brother. 

We play. We play and I sense no time passing. I sense no changing of the day into night or the night into day. Raiyden plays. He plays the song I love so much hoping that I hear him. 

I hear you brother. I hear you and I want to tell you that I hear you and I play along side you. I know you can’t hear me, but I can hear you.  The music reverberates through me, that little shred of life still clinging, 

If i break the glass, then I’ll have to fly
There’s no one to catch me if I take a dive
I’m scared of changing, the days stay the same
The world is spinning but only in vain

He stops. After a while Raiyden stops. His hands tremble as he puts away the violin back in its case. He is exhausted and I see Xaishen move to his side,hurrying to raise him up and lead him out of the room, I can see by my brothers posture he protests and tries to stop Xaishen. But even Tom steps in and helps to lead him out. 

It’s just Vaulk now. I watch as he moves to take my brothers chair and with all his usual stoic grace he sits and folds his hands in his lap. I’m so used to that posture. Working for him this long? I know more about him than I think he realizes. He’s tense, but somehow still managed to look as if he wasn’t concerned. 

Was he concerned? Or was he angry that someone had taken an asset of his and rendered it useless?

I’m pulled away suddenly. With a violent force that I have never recognized before. I feel my spirit dive and tumble like so much water down a rocky waterfall. I cry out with a silenced voice, ghostly hands strike out to try and grasp onto something. 

Then it stops. I stop. The darkness around me is absolute and I wonder for a moment…am I truly dead now? Is this what it’s like? Darkness?

“No child. No.” The voice reverberates to the very core of me. The voice of my Mother. The Mother. I nearly weep in relief. ” You’re not dead…” 

“Yet.” The second voice is a baritone and rich voice. Solid and steady like the very earth itself. The voice of The Father. 

I lift my head up and try to see them. I feel strong hands pull me up and cradle me like a frightened child and I suddenly realize, I am a frightened child. “What is happening, Father?” 

“You’re dying, Child.” His words shoot through me like an arrow to my soul. 

The darkness consumed me and I was falling into darkness.

Ashla and Bogans voice faded from  my ears with these words, “Fly or fall. The choice is yours.” 

I tumble, scared and feeling as if all control has been ripped from me. The sound of violins reach my ears. But so far away. 

Play Raiyden. Play please… 

If I break the glass, then I’ll have to fly
There’s no one to catch me if I take a dive
I’m scared of changing, the days stay the same
The world is spinning but only in vain
(Hold me)

Somebody shine a light
I’m frozen by the fear in me
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me
So cut me from the line
Dizzy, spinning endlessly
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me!

Shatter me
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me!

-Shatter Me Lindsey Stirling and Izzy