I have discovered that I am not good with people. Or rather I am not very good with the whole keeping brutally honest opinions to myself and it lands me in a heap of trouble more often than not. Take tonight for example: I basically told Oz that he needs to pull his head out of his ass and stop being a douche canoe. That he needed to cut Jallira some slack. I might have gotten a bit snarly but the kid needs to stop being treated with baby gloves. I admit, I chewed him out over comms, I gave him what for, but I do not feel bad for what I said- I only feel bad for losing my temper over comms.
I just loathe the idea of trusting someone who can’t even make decisions for themselves. It’s like I told Arbiter Alasha that I don’t trust him. I can’t bring myself to trust someone like Oz who would rather go AWOL than make a decision. I’ve lead too many good people and seen many more die because of people like that. People who can’t hack it need to be removed and put in safer types of jobs. Jobs that don’t rely up on someone like that who can’t make their own decisions. I’m sure deep down he’s a nice guy who just needs a bit of direction, but they have to want that direction.
Speaking of Jallira I screwed up. I had hoped to draw her out a bit and hopefully try to get to know her better, maybe even get her to laugh some. I made the comment of having a girls night out- someplace safe and someplace with people that I trusted and knew enough to know that she’d not be harassed or teased. It had a several purposes really- to introduce Sylverwin and Dyme as well as try to get to know Lanela better and maybe try and get Jallira to relax a little. It went over in an unexpected way to be honest. I hadn’t expected her to snap at me or basically say I was trying to bully or force my ideas or desires down her throat. It wasn’t what I was trying to do.
So, lesson learned. Raiyden is her foster and I should leave them to it- he can do whatever he wants that makes her happy and I’m just going to stop trying to be friends with her.
I kind of wonder if I”m a little jealous of Raiydens relationship with her. I made a huge mistake in asking the Archon to teach me and while I’ve read as many things as I can about the Marran and all the exploits as well as whatever history I didn’t fall asleep through, I don’t see the Archon much at all and the past few times I have actually come in contact was when I had my freak out and then the follow-up ‘lets make sure it doesn’t happen again’ sort of talk and the last visit was with me explaining what was going on with Alderaan and some people I know there. You know, stuff I used to deal with at the Order. Kind of left me nostalgic. Anyways, I’ve done all i can to read, study and try to follow along.
I did thoroughly enjoy my time with Arbiter Alasha and Tom tonight learning about the Flames and what they can or can’t do. The lesson I think was vastly more important person to person than I got from the holocron and other bits of information. Arbiter Alasha was willing to give us a demonstration that left Tom and I with a lot to think about. I don’t think I’m quite ready to try my hand at them yet… I’m not sure I can feel righteous fury..and I’m pretty sure ‘kick them in the dick with goodness and light’ counts as righteous.
Getting to know Lanela though… that’s been fun. Real fun. We have so much in common that it’s pretty scary to realize she’s actually an Estherian. Not just in looks but also in attitude and in desire to do the right thing. Hearing her story and just how far she’s come has been a great thing to listen to and mirrors a lot of what my brother and I went through. She has a twin sister and well I have Raiyden. Her sister however is a lot like Lyrae’a was, though I’m not sure Lanelas sister is as crazy as Lyrae’a. Least I hope not… Lanela is also seeing a really great guy, Droden. I guess he saved her when she was little and they just met back up again after being apart for almost fifteen years. Droden and Lanela are good people, good to hang around and I hope to get to know them better as time goes on.
I asked if she and Droden would help us with the problem on Alderaan. She didn’t wince, she didn’t hem or haw, she didn’t even look shocked I would even ask… she just offered to help and so did Droden. No hesitation. Neither of them don’t know what’s going on other than what I told them…and both just bam- volunteered.
Speaking of Alderaan… Kheniaths brother, Argus was taken by Imperials posing as a gang. Apparently they’re going around and ganking the houses on Alderaan that are supporting the Republic and making it look like gangs are responsible. Kheni showed up one night busted all to hell- his cybernetics were a mess and I think he was bleeding from just about everywhere. Told us that Argus was taken but the kids were all safe. It’s kind of strange to hear Kheni sound so concerned; but really don’t mess with that guys family. It just never ends well. The Syndicate found that out the hard way- they’re all dead now.
Well… most of them. The few we know of we let live because they’ve been useful. So far.
Point is, we now have to find Argus. Which means that we’re going to have to go back to Alderaan, find someone who knows something about all this and then interrogate the bejeezus out of them to get a general direction. Xaishen is looking forward to the interrogation I think just a tad too much. However, I can’t blame him, the Trinsets have done a hell of a lot for us and we owe them a lot for what they have done for us.
Sylverwin showed up and we’ve been talking a lot. Spending a lot of time together and I honestly didn’t think I could like her as much as I do. She’s a lot like me, tough, independent and has no issue telling people when they’re being raging douche canoes. I think that’s why we hated each other at first. But now… things are different. I like it.