Do you still believe in love, I wonder.

Hey brother, there’s an endless road to re-discover.
Hey sister, know the water’s sweet but blood is thicker.
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

OH gods my heart aches for you brother. I can’t bear to watch him slip further and further away from all of us; from me.  Your features are so haunted and your heart… it aches. I can tell it’s broken and my very soul shivers at the pain you are bearing without complaint, without admittance.  You square those shoulders, carry the burden with grace and aplomb and you do not flinch from the pain that has been undeservedly afflicted on you.

What has Bogan set before you as your path, brother?  What test does our sweet Ashla put you through with all of this?

If only I could take your pain, your hurt, your self doubt, your broken trust and lay them at the feet of our Patrons. I would seek answers that we both may be afraid to hear.

Our defeat on Nar Shaddaa. It was nothing short of that. Routed from that place and sent packing to Alpheridies after Vaulks place had been nearly destroyed. Only to find out that one of the apprentices still lives…and sent a strike team to our home.. nearly kiling our mother and father. Nearly killing your children The fact that Daedalus died at the hands of Tomuraan- or was it someone else? I cannot remember… Perhaps the one known as Kali? Only showed the hand of Darth Karnus – the one who beat me so severely that our Ashla had to sweep in and save me from my own demise at the cost of my memories most precious to me. Darth Karnus- the true father of Daedalus and Xaishen.  Karnus who tore your love away from you- your Xaishens very spirit and tucked it in some far flung corner of the galaxy for us to hunt down, while he resided in his own son for goddess only knows how long.

That’s what eats at you the most, isn’t it? Not knowing, never knowing just how long that face was Xaishens…but the words and the very soul was Karnus. The intimate nights you were alone with him thinking it was your soul mate, your bonded. Never the wiser as he held your children- my nephews in his arms.  You question it all, don’t you? Each laugh of his, each tender word… each caress.

You feel so betrayed and your very nature wants to curl up and hide away, build your power and lash out when time is right.

But you’re not sure if the time will ever be right.

People fight over your loved one. The body of Xaishen that houses the soul of his father. The galaxy wants him but you can’t let them have him because you know that all they want is to mete out justice. Their idea of justice, anyways.  They just see the enemy and not the soul inside. They see the evil and not the fact that Xaishen hasn’t been in control of his own body for upwards of six months.

Hey brother, do you still believe in one another?
Hey sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

Nobody knows how to react around him…or you Brother mine. We all want to be sympathetic, but how can we? We have no right to be. We can’t empathize with you because we as a  whole have never been in your situation. We … Tom, Neirov, Lucien, Dyme… nobody has been in that position. Even Lyrae’a who has lost so much cannot share the pain you feel. It’s a pain unique to you and only you and we are just watchers… perversely watching you in your not so silent tragedy being played out with a live studio audience.

But know that for each of us watching… being bystanders we would happily participate even for a moment if it meant a second of respite from the pain you suffer, Raiyden.

We have all lost so much.

But I think you … you my beloved souls mirror… you have lost the most. In this ridiculous war you have stood on the front line… an unwilling soldier to a war you never wanted to be a part of. None of us ever wanted to be a part of- yet here we are, soldiers on the front line to a war we never had a say in. With enemies we never wanted or begged for.

I pray for you brother. I pray every day for some salvation from this hell we’ve found ourselves in. But mostly? I pray for you. I pray for your peace of mind and I pray so very hard that I do not find you one day gone from my mind forever, losing your battle in the will to live. That…that is my greatest fear  I pray that each dawn will bring me closer to finding Xaishens lost soul and presenting him to you- whole and your true soul mate once more.

Mostly, I just pray for some kind of answer. An answer that they are not quite wiling to help me out with yet.

I have to keep searching brother.

For you.

What if I’m far from home?
Oh, brother I will hear you call.
What if I lose it all?
Oh, sister I will help you out!
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

Hey brother, there’s an endless road to re-discover.
Hey sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

What if I’m far from home?
Oh, brother I will hear you call.
What if I lose it all?
Oh, sister I will help you out!
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

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