If the Sky Comes Falling Down For You

Hey brother, there’s an endless road to re-discover.
Hey sister, know the water’s sweet but blood is thicker.
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

Caer rubbed the back of her neck as she leaned against the wall next to Raiyden and Xaishens door. She knew they were asleep and that made her feel loads better than she had felt a while ago; the anxiety and the worry draining out of her like someone had pulled a plug out of a tub. 

The minds behind the door slept, troubled, but they slept and that’s all that mattered to her. As long as they were sleeping and not doing anything rash, that’s all she cared about. She could sense Raiyden through their bond and through his bond to Xaishen. Then the tiny little flitting thoughts of the babies- her nephews.  Jaiyden and Hunter both with their innocent little minds oblivious to the danger they were in. 

She whispered a soft prayer to Ashla and Bogan, “Please, please Ashla, protect them with your Light. Shine on them so that no harm can befall them. Bogan, should our enemy come, guide my hand so that I can strike at him a fatal blow. That’s all I ask.” 

Hey brother, do you still believe in one another?
Hey sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

The wind blew across the yard, kicking up dead leaves and little dust devils in the light of the moon. Shadows played across the ground as the trees rustled with the teasing of the wind. Her Miralukan vision watched the force waver and dance along with the trees and plants that dotted the area. It would have been peaceful any other time, but now it almost seemed ominous. Each rustle of leaf, each whine of the wind through the court yard… it could hide a more serious noise a more threatening one. 

She didn’t particularly care how many times she was told this place was safe. She’d believe it when she saw it. No place was safe. The Jedi learned that the hard way, twice in her memorable history. The Sith several times. Belief like that is what got people, many of them good, caring and solid people killed. Her hand strayed to the hilt of her saber, brushing against the crystalline blade that rested just behind it, the twin to that one on her right hip. She was armed with more than her saber and the twin Dancers blades that she usually carried. The rest were strategically hidden and she’d remain that way until this Darth Daedalus was cold and rapidly decaying under a mass of carrion birds. 

What if I’m far from home?
Oh, brother I will hear you call.
What if I lose it all?
Oh, sister I will help you out!
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

Caer lifted her head up and exhaled slowly, It was going to be a long night and an even longer day after the sun rose. She’d been three days on no sleep already and the long days and nights were starting to catch up with her. She had to maintain her guard though. It wasn’t that she was afraid of Raiy or Xaishen doing anything stupid such as running off- though Caer had heard earlier through various sources that Xaishen had lost his cool and had actually had an argument in front of several people- namely Jallira and Vrodrik yelling at Raiyden. Supposedly an argument had ensued. Caer assumed that had been when Raiyden had effectively and rapidly dampened their link mentally to the point of shutting her out entirely. It had concerned her greatly. But she’d been reassured hearing their voices over comms. 

Pushing away form the wall, she walked in small circles around the front of the doorway, her boot heels clacking softly on the ground beneath her. The sound echoed slightly and it gave her something to concentrate on. Something other than her own exhaustion and boredom. Some part of her thought back to the mental exercises their Master had taught them when they’d been placed on door duty back at the temple on Coruscant. Counting to fifty first in Basic, then Huttese, Nautolan, Bothese, and finally backwards from there back to Basic again. Each breath a number, each number an inhalation and exhalation of breath. It made her focus come into a sharper clarity and allowed for her to extend her senses beyond just what was in front of her. It was rare she ever used the other senses, the ones that allowed her to touch upon anyone else around them like a ghost in the night. It wasn’t an invasion but more of a sense of knowing others were around them. She always sensed the Empaths first, it was inevitable as she was tied so closely to one. It only made sense. The others were faint little flickers of light, auras in the night. Some awake, majority of them asleep. 

Hey brother, there’s an endless road to re-discover.
Hey sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

Caer turned and came face to face with a near mirror image of herself. She gave a faint squeak of surprise and aimed a fist for that face only to find her wrist in a tight grasp and the face that looked so much like hers smiling. Caers heart hammered in her chest and her adrenaline pumped through her veins like it was her life blood. She gave a choked cry as the grasp around her wrist tightened and then loosened only to go around her throat. The persons other hand moving up to her lips. 

“Shhhhh. Sister.” Lyrae’as voice spoke with that annoying Imperial accent she loved to use.

“Kriffing hells!” Caer hissed in a strangled voice. “Fucking hells!” 

“Essentially the same thing.” Lyrae gave a cheerful smile and then lowered her hand from Caers throat.”Now, I received a distress signal on the sibling channel… I came as quickly as I could.” 

Caer rubbed her throat and glared as best as a Miraluka could. “How the hell did you even FIND this place?! And better question how the hell did you even get here without someone stopping you!?”

Lyr, Caer and Raiydens younger sister tapped her face. “I look like you, idiot. Remember? I played your idiot crew for a while. Besides, breaking into your ships system,then into the codes and using them to find you lot wasn’t so hard. Honestly sister, you should change them once in a while. Besides, I stayed away from Casa Marran and avoided the little system they have up there. I came directly to where you and brother are.” 

Caer clenched her jaw and pointed back the way she’d come. “Go. Now. Before someone finds you and skins you alive. Especially with that ridiculous accent.” 

“I’m here now, not going anywhere. Especially knowing my darling little siblings are in trouble. It certainly pays to eaves drop on conversations back at home.” Lyrae’a tilted her head to look around Caers shoulder to the door. “You’re not bleeding, crying about how someone was mean to you or look otherwise distressed other than that horrid hairdo of yours… I’m going to assume that Raiyden is the one in trouble?”

Caer nodded and resolved herself to not getting rid of her damnable sister any time soon. She quickly told Lyrae’a the story about Xaishen and the Sith in question then quietly asked the gods to cover her ass so she could break it to the Archon that their sister had found them. Here of all places. She wondered as she explained to Lyr if this was the gods way of sending her the protection she asked for. If so, they had a rather morbid sense of humor. 

Lyr listened and then moved to the door to take up Caers spot. “Then I will stay and watch. You go sleep. You look like shit and smell worse.” 

Caer looked at her with an incredulous expression. “Are you retarded? Seriously. Did Alistere bang your head too hard on the wall the last time you two slept together? Cause there are some huge tell tale differences between us. Such as you’re about two inches shorter than me, your ass and chest is smaller and the big tip off is the accent. Oh and lets not forget the plethora of other Miraluka who run around here and can see auras just fine thank you very much. Plus we have so many gods damned Empaths around here, you can’t take an uncomfortable crap without someone knowing about it.” 

“Ooooh aren’t you precious.” Lyrae’a pinched Caers cheek until her sister slapped her hand away. “Shut up and just go wait in the ship. See if anyone else tries to come here okay? Or put your stupid Imperial ties to work and see if you can get anything on the guy. I’ll need to explain to my boss that you’re here and you mean no harm. Otherwise, you might just end up with someone smashing your face in the dirt.”

Lyr snorted. “I’d like to see them try.” 

Caer pinched the bridge of her nose. “Seriously Lyrae’a. These are not guys you want to mess with okay? Especially the Archon and some of the others. You don’t exactly have a stellar alignment and it’s by our peoples graces and pity on you that you even still walk our homeworld without getting your ass thrown to a tribunal.”

Lyr sneered and then turned to walk back into the darkness. “If it wasn’t for me… our precious planet would be dealing with Sharise.” 

Caer winced and sighed. But by the time something witty had even come to mind, Lyrae’a was gone. Damn. She was tired if she couldn’t come out with a snappy comeback within the time it took her sister to take off. 

Turning back to the door she stared at it for a few moments before speaking softly. “Well door. It’s just you and me.”

What if I’m far from home?
Oh, brother I will hear you call.
What if I lose it all?
Oh, sister I will help you out!
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.

Avicii- Hey Brother.

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And the walls kept tumbling down…

Caer rolled her shoulders and pinched her nose. The pain just seemed to settle right behind her left temple, taking up residence and comfortable with the location. It hadn’t gone away in over two weeks. Not since the whole mess with Xaishen and Raiyden had started. Not since that damn nightmare that sent her sprawling to the floor.

She watched the monastery from her little location up on the rock wall. Most everyone was likely asleep or burning the midnight oil in whatever endeavors they pursued in the witching hour. Goddess knew she should be asleep; but she hated sleeping. It meant dreaming and dreaming meant seeing things she was not necessarily comfortable with.

Dreams had always troubled her. Ever since she’d been a child, she’d had problems with dreaming such vivid dreams that they had terrified her at first, then merely frightened her and now… now she was just resigned to the fact that she had such nightmares that even Kaeden had tried to help her. Even Raiyden didn’t always know how to handle her dreams and he’d felt so helpless to give her some relief from them.

A snap of twigs and branches brought her whirling to face whatever was coming and her stance only relaxed when she realized it was Xaishen stepping through the tree line. She gave him a sour expression and Xaishen gave a weak smile in response.

“I see you cannot sleep as well.” Xaishen brushed hair from his face as he approached to stand next to her.

“No shit, Hurlock.” Caer retorted, feeling slightly annoyed that he’d disrupted her thoughts.

Xaishen gave an indelicate snort and let the snarky comment roll off his shoulders. “What is it you watch over? The monastery is the safest place we could be in.”

“No place is safe, Xaishen. If even Tython can get turned on its face with its ass in the air to get screwed by the Sith… no place is safe.” Caer took a seat on the rocks and dropped her leg to swing over the ledge.

“Oh Caer, never lose that delicate verbal touch of yours.” Xaishen smirked, his tone dry. “How you never made it into politics is so beyond me.”

“Keep it up Xaishen and I’ll chuck your ass off this ledge. Why are you even up here anyways?” Caer canted her head to the side, the Miraluka equivalent of a glance. She noted that the Pureblood didn’t look particularly well rested either and unsettled her immensely. He always- to her at least- looked well rested and fresh, no matter the circumstance.

“I like you my dear heart cannot sleep. I fear we both worry about the same things but in our own different ways. “ He glanced to Caer and sighed. “I am sorry, Caer. I really am.”

She turned to face him fully and was silent for a long moment. “For what Xaishen? For coming into my brother’s life? For giving him a happiness he’d have likely never known otherwise? Being a father and a husband to his kids, my nephews?  Yeah a hearty fuck you for making my brother so stupidly happy that he can barely function. Whatever shall I do for revenge? Asshole.”

Xaishen blinked a few times and then pursed his lips. He exhaled through his nose and looked away. “Since you put it that way. But you know what I mean Caer. Stop dancing around the issue. You and our family are in very real danger. It’s because of my brother that it is so. I knew I should have murdered him in his sleep when I had the chance.”

“Yeah it would have accomplished a lot of things. But would you have met my family if that had been the case? Doubtful. You’d have been made the new heir to your shitty family.” Caer shook her head and exhaled slowly. “Look, Xaishen it is what it is. You can’t change it. All we can do right now is stop it before it gets too nasty. Wish in one hand shit in the other, see which gets fullest faster.”

“Ever again Caer, so eloquent.” Xaishen arched a brow ridge at her and shook his own head. “You know you swear more when you’re stressed.”

“… Can I set you on fire now?” She retorted, though a smirk played at her lips.

Xaishen chuckled and waved her off. “Not yet dear. So much left to do. Such as sleep, I think our little chat has bored me enough to lull me into a doze.”

“Suck a dick Xai..suck a dick.” Caer grunted.

He said nothing though she was sure a half a billion retorts came to his mind. He merely half bowed and wandered off through the bushes and trees again to wherever it was he and Raiyden called home.

Sighing heavily she turned her gaze back towards the area of the monastery and rested her chin on her knee.  Her thoughts turned towards more recent matters. Ones that had seemed to have developed overnight.

The first being her sour and unfriendly mood towards Jallira. She’d instantly regretted saying that Jallira wasn’t worth killing. That had been one of the cruelest things she’d ever said and her cheeks burned with shame and embarrassment as she thought about it. She had refused to apologize though- not because that she felt that she didn’t need to but because she didn’t want Raiyden or anyone else thinking that they could tell her what to do. Especially Raiyden who always had a habit of acting like a poncy git whenever he felt like it. She would apologize in her own time, and she had.  Rather ridiculously but she had. It was why she hadn’t bothered fighting back when Mae had dragged her off her mount and shook her like a rag doll.

Then there was the new/old comer. Sheenah.  She apparently was an old Marran member returning to the fold and had been placed in her and Jaidins care by order of the Archon and Alasha. It confused her to no end as to how anyone could trust her with a loaf of bread let alone someone’s reintroduction back into the Marran.

They’d talked tonight and Caer had gotten a glimpse into what she would possibly need to deal with. From what Caer could tell, the woman had bonded with a Sith who apparently was Dark Side. Caer half wondered about manipulation and worried if she might have to deal with some sort of dark side influence on the womans behalf. Caer wanted to meet this supposed Sith, to find out more about the man who was bonded to Sheenah. It worried her as to what she would find.

Caer got to her feet and stretched. Dawn would come soon and she’d need to get some sleep at least before dealing with whatever catapult of crap would be flung her way. Yawning and rubbing at her face she made her way to her sleeping quarters, booting Noodle her Tiglon in the butt to wake him up to follow. The cat yawned and did follow obediently.

Show me how it ends…

She walked through the forest, her feet treading softly through the fallen leaves, the bare branches of the trees around her scraped against one another as a soft wind stirred around her and them, teasing her hair and caressing her cheek. The wind carried a smell on it, a familiar one that filled her with a sense of dread that made her drag her feet through the fallen leaves. It was the kind of smell only a seasoned warrior would know and remember for the rest of their lives. Some warriors wore it like a ladies perfume, some… some wore it like a second skin.

Caer on the other hand, she wore her armor, the shining white and blue that heralded her status as a Luka Sene Seeker painted in the colors of her family, the Estherian Clan. Her saber rested on her left hip, the twin Seeker blades she’d earned as a Blade Dancer rested against her back, the crystalline looking blades glistening in the pale light.

The planet was unfamiliar to her, the wind was chilly almost biting, but the smells around here were warm, almost cloying. She pushed through the thick branches that tried to block her way. Finally breaking through the trees sh stood at the edge of an open field. Her heart hammering in her chest she let her force fueled gaze slide across the scene before her.

About half a dozen tarp covered poles created a half circle; the tarps hanging limply as fabric fluttered in the wind, making a snapping sound.  It was about the only sound that could be heard in the field of death. In the center of the ring of  the double crosses stood a mountain of a man- no… a Pureblood. Caer could tell the way his aura radiated that familiar color that always seemed to indicate pureblood Sith.

The Sith was imposing. Even from the distance that parted the, she could see the shape of his form. His arms folded over his chest, the thick meaty upper arms seemed to strain with the action, his massive legs spread out to distribute his weight. The tentacles on the Siths chin, dangled and was adorned with piercings, a partial mask adorned the top half of his face seemed to be made of bone, giving him an almost skeletal faced appearance.

He smiled broadly at Caer and gestured with his hands, when he spoke it was with a cultured voice, the kind of voice used to public speaking; it was also familiar. “Do you like what I have created? I am an artist, the galaxy my canvas and each planet I come to, begs for a masterpiece.”

The pureblood gestured with his claw tipped hands and Caer felt the force around her swirling, dark and malicious. The very air around her seemed to grow ill with the Darkness and she steeled herself against its influence.  Caer squared her shoulders and pulled her blades from their sheaths.  The force fueled wind caused the tarps to flap and flutter, sliding off their posts.

Caer licked dry lips as she focused on the Pureblood. “Who are you?”

“Like I said, an artist. But you, Caer Estherian may call me Darth  Daedalus. ” He smiled and the way he smiled startled Caer, her focus still on the Pureblood before her seemed oblivious to the tarps that had fluttered to the ground. The wind howled around them stirring the hair around his and her face both. “An artist, but perhaps you better know me as Atrum Avariche. ”

The name sent pins and needles all throughout Caers body and her fingers seemed to go numb. This was Xaishens brother- the one who Xaishen feared more than just about anyone else in the galaxy.  She said nothing as he began a slow purposeful walk towards Caer.

“Are you not going to look at my art? I did this for him and I want you to tell me what you think before I show it to my insipid little brother.” His voice was deep, the kind of deep voice that would make ones sternum tremble with its depths. His hands were massive and as he got closer she noticed that there was nothing on this Pureblood that indicated delicateness. Not like the way Xaishen was delicate.  She didn’t want to give up ground, but every fiber of her body screamed for her to put distance between them.

He stopped a inches away from her and turned, slipping a massive arm around her shoulders and turning her to face his work of art. Atrum smiled and brought a thick finger up under her chin and the claw tip scraped the skin of her throat. She suppressed a flinch as he forced her head up. “Come now, look. I’m sure you’ll have something to say.”

Caer shuddered at the touch her skin feeling like it was burning as his finger guided her chin up exposing her to what lay before her; why did she feel so compelled to do as he asked? Why wasn’t she fighting? some part of screamed for her to react, to think to do something; but nothing came she stood like a statue.

Raiyden hung by his wrists from a one of the poles, his skin flayed from is body, the delicate bones in his hands broken and twisted beyond recognition. The skin along his ribs torn away to reveal glistening muscle and exposed ribs. Her twins body mangled and exposed, his head thrown back face frozen in a rictus of pain, even in death.  She heard Daedalus laugh softly next to her as her expression went from revulsion to horror and grief.

Two smaller forms dangled with Raiyden, like a macabre key chain. She had to fight the bile that rose in her throat as she realized those still forms were of her nephews Hunter and Jayden.

“This is Xaishens fault you know. If only he had been a good boy and had died when he was supposed to.” Daedalus’ voice slid through her mind like a razor, cutting and tearing. He grasped her cheeks with clawed finger tips, turning her head to the side to look at his other master pieces. “Come… you haven’t seen the rest.”

Neirov, Tomuraan, Dymetrya, her friends and brothers and sisters in arms… Jallira- sweet little Jallira and Ihlrath and Alasha all in similar forms of display. Their bodies tormented and mangled nearly beyond recognition. Each of their lives cut from their bodies and leaving them nothing more than flesh, their force, their spirits gone from them forever.

Yet she stood inactive, frozen to the ground as if her feet had been rooted by the very dust that swirled around her.  Her arms felt like dead weight and trying to life them, to reach out to those who she cared about seemed to be impossible.  She felt completely defenseless as the Pureblood moved up behind her and wrapped his massive hands around her shoulders.

“I saved a spot for you. You and your brother will be my true masterpiece. I can’t have anything left undone before my brother comes, now can I? I must complete the set.” His breath was sweet, nothing like she expected. “The others were mere practice. But I believe I finally have the look I want to obtain. It will be a kodak moment for all.”

Caer seemed unaware that the Pureblood had moved her closer to the horror show that was her family and friends. Mind numbed, body frozen by shock; she wasn’t even aware that she’d been hoisted up onto a pole of her own or dangling by her wrists until she felt the first cut into her belly, intestines exposed and spilling.

 

Daedalus gave a smile, the hulking brute looking up at her with blazing yellow eyes- eyes like Xaishens. “Tell my little brother I’m coming for him. That’s a good girl after all I have a special place just for him.” His blade flashed and she felt him cut into her again.

Only then did she scream.

 

Caer jerked upright and grabbed for her midsection. The scream trailing off into a stuttering sob that eventually dissolved into actual shoulder racking sobs. She wrapped her arms around herself and fought for control over her emotions, repeating the age old Jedi mantra. There is no emotion, there is only peace.  The dream still felt very real to her and her minds eye could still see those bodies dangling like flowers out to dry.

Pulling off her sweat covered night shirt she let the cool air chill her skin, it helped with the nausea and to bring reality back into perspective.  Shuddering she pulled the sheet around her naked form and she backed up against the headboard, even in the complete darkness of the room, she could see everything and she watched late into the night. Waiting for the Pureblood to step through the darkness and drag her back into the nightmare.

She didn’t sleep for he rest of the night.

 

A little bit of clarity.

I have discovered that I am not good with people.  Or rather I am not very good with the whole keeping brutally honest opinions to myself and it lands me in a heap of trouble more often than not. Take tonight for example: I basically told Oz that he needs to pull his head out of his ass and stop being a douche canoe. That he needed to cut Jallira some slack.  I might have gotten a bit snarly but the kid needs to stop being treated with baby gloves. I admit, I chewed him out over comms, I gave him what for, but I do not feel bad for what I said- I only feel bad for losing my temper over comms.

I just loathe the idea of trusting someone who can’t even make decisions for themselves. It’s like I told Arbiter Alasha that I don’t trust him. I can’t bring myself to trust someone like Oz who would rather go AWOL than make a decision. I’ve lead too many good people and seen many more die because of people like that. People who can’t hack it need to be removed and put in safer types of jobs.  Jobs that don’t rely up on someone like that who can’t make their own decisions. I’m sure deep down he’s a nice guy who just needs a bit of direction, but they have to want that direction.

Speaking of Jallira I screwed up. I had hoped to draw her out a bit and hopefully try to get to know her better, maybe even get her to laugh some. I made the comment of having a girls night out- someplace safe and someplace with people that I trusted and knew enough to know that she’d not be harassed or teased. It had a several purposes really- to introduce Sylverwin and Dyme as well as try to get to know Lanela better and maybe try and get Jallira to relax a little.  It went over in an unexpected way to be honest. I hadn’t expected her to snap at me or basically say I was trying to bully or force my ideas or desires down her throat. It wasn’t what I was trying to do.

So, lesson learned. Raiyden is her foster and I should leave them to it- he can do whatever he wants that makes her happy and I’m just going to stop trying to be friends with her.

I kind of wonder if I”m a little jealous of Raiydens relationship with her. I made a huge mistake in asking the Archon to teach me and while I’ve read as many things as I can about the Marran and all the exploits as well as whatever history I didn’t fall asleep through, I don’t see the Archon much at all and the past few times I have actually come in contact was when I had my freak out and then the follow-up ‘lets make sure it doesn’t happen again’ sort of talk and the last visit was with me explaining what was going on with Alderaan and some people I know there. You know, stuff I used to deal with at the Order. Kind of left me nostalgic. Anyways, I’ve done all i can to read, study and try to follow along.

I did thoroughly enjoy my time with Arbiter Alasha and Tom tonight learning about the Flames and what they can or can’t do. The lesson I think was vastly more important person to person than I got from the holocron and other bits of information. Arbiter Alasha was willing to give us a demonstration that left Tom and I with a lot to think about. I don’t think I’m quite ready to try my hand at them yet… I’m not sure I can feel righteous fury..and I’m pretty sure ‘kick them in the dick with goodness and light’ counts as righteous.

Getting to know Lanela though… that’s been fun. Real fun. We have so much in common that it’s pretty scary to realize she’s actually an Estherian. Not just in looks but also in attitude and in desire to do the right thing. Hearing her story and just how far she’s come has been a great thing to listen to and mirrors a lot of what my brother and I went through. She has a twin sister and well I have Raiyden. Her sister however is a lot like Lyrae’a was, though I’m not sure Lanelas sister is as crazy as Lyrae’a.  Least I hope not… Lanela is also seeing a really great guy, Droden. I guess he saved her when she was little and they just met back up again after being apart for almost fifteen years.  Droden and Lanela are good people, good to hang around and I hope to get to know them better as time goes on.

I asked if she and Droden would help us with the problem on Alderaan. She didn’t wince, she didn’t hem or haw, she didn’t even look shocked I would even ask… she just offered to help and so did Droden. No hesitation.  Neither of them don’t know what’s going on other than what I told them…and both just bam- volunteered.

Speaking of Alderaan… Kheniaths brother, Argus was taken by Imperials posing as a gang.  Apparently they’re going around and ganking the houses on Alderaan that are supporting the Republic and making it look like gangs are responsible. Kheni showed up one night busted all to hell- his cybernetics were  a mess and I think he was bleeding from just about everywhere. Told us that Argus was taken but the kids were all safe. It’s kind of strange to hear Kheni sound so concerned; but really don’t mess with that guys family. It just never ends well. The Syndicate found that out the hard way- they’re all dead now.

Well… most of them. The few we know of we let live because they’ve been useful. So far.

Point is, we now have to find Argus. Which means that we’re going to have to go back to Alderaan, find someone who knows something about all this and then interrogate the bejeezus out of them to get a general direction. Xaishen is looking forward to the interrogation I think just a tad too much. However, I can’t blame him, the Trinsets have done a hell of a lot for us and we owe them a lot for what they have done for us.

Sylverwin showed up and we’ve been talking a lot. Spending a lot of time together and I honestly didn’t think I could like her as much as I do. She’s a lot like me, tough, independent and has no issue telling people when they’re being raging douche canoes. I think that’s why we hated each other at first. But now… things are different. I like it.

 

Nothing left to say.

Who knows how long
I’ve been awake now?
The shadows on my wall don’t sleep
They keep calling me
Beckoning…
Who knows what’s right?
The lines keep getting thinner
My age has never made me wise
But I keep pushing on and on and on and on

 

A letter sits by Raiydens bedside- how it got there without him or Xaishen waking is anyones guess.

Raiyden-

I hurt you a lot I know I did and I know that you’re wounded by my actions. By telling you that I don’t need you.. that’s the worst thing I think I’ve ever said to you. I know that .. my actions what I said over comms the day before… hurt you too. I’ve done a whole bunch of hurting and made a fine mess of things. Or as a friend of mine once put it, “way to cock up the job, Caer”.

It’s not something I can justify. I said some pretty awful things over comms and I can’t make excuses. I can’t say I wasn’t in the right frame of mind or that I was under some sort of duress. I was pushed too far and instead of disengaging I let people bait me and I boiled over. My fault for taking the bait like the idiot I am.  What can I say? I’m not a terribly bright person when it comes to not stating my opinion.

There’s nothing left to say now… 
I’m giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now… 
There’s nothing left to say now… 
I’m giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now… 

What happened? I made a comment about not being particularly impressed by the strip dances. I mean really, I’ve seen it all before at Vaulks place when I helped there  for some time. I watched over girls who did that professionally and I stopped being embarrassed by the idea of stripping for money about my third day into that job. Hell, I even got up on the stage a time or two when a girl couldn’t do the job and someone needed to fill in. So yes, I have stripped and was paid for it. Not that anybody but you and Vaulk will ever know this.

Anyways Kanth heard my comment and made a joke about me liking women but not being willing to fess up to it. I wish I could figure out what set me off with that particular comment, but it did. I just … lost it and began a tirade that I am very very ashamed of. Everything I ever wanted to NOT say just slipped through my teeth. I felt like I was spitting needles. Things just got worse from there and inevitably it all ended up boiling over and I had a melt down.

I’m ashamed. I truly am. I know that I need to take responsibility for my actions and I will. I can’t foist this off on anyone else and I wouldn’t. I won’t take the blame for someone else and I certainly can’t expect anyone else to take the blame for my actions. I don’t know how to begin making reparations and I am at a total loss as to how I can even begin to explain my feelings, brother.

Below my soul
I feel an engine
Collapsing as it sees the pain
If I could only shut it out

I am sorry. I am so sorry. I know these words are meaningless with how deeply I have hurt you and my heart aches. It aches so badly Raiyden to know that I have cut you so deeply and so cruelly. I never meant to and I wish I could take back that hour of my life- not because I know I lost many peoples respect; but because I cut you to the bone with my words worse than what I could ever do with a saber.

I owe you the explanation- not the excuse. Something happened so long ago that it should mean nothing now. I feel I owe this explanation to your face and if you’ll have me, I will speak to you… explain to you.

It’s fear brother. I have always been afraid of what I don’t understand and I don’t want to understand. It’s so hard for me to come to grips with emotions I don’t ever want.  I am so afraid of giving in to things I can’t comprehend and the thought of it makes me want to run, to hide and beg for mercy… for a reprieve.

I’ve come too far
To see the end now
Even if my way is wrong
I keep pushing on and on and on and on

So badly do I want to forget the memories. I want to ask someone to make me forget that night so many years ago. So much I want to forget. Hapa, Anubis, the whole nightmare on Voss. So many of these things have messed with my head and I want them torn from my mind. Maybe then I can be a better person. Something you and everyone else can be proud of.  Someone I could be proud of. I don’t feel proud and my actions have spoken louder than any words or promises I could make.

I can’t face Ihrath or Alasha. I can’t face Jallira.

Most of all I can’t face you.

I keep falling, I keep falling down…
I keep falling, I keep falling down…
Hey!
I keep falling, I keep falling down…
I keep falling, I keep falling down…
If you could only save me
I’m drowning in the waters of my soul

I will do anything I can to fix this mistake. Do anything I can to avoid this in the future. I need help. I need help understanding what it is that is so wrong with me and make it better.

I’m sorry Raiyden. I’m sorry I am so damaged and my damage has hurt you too. I don’t ask forgiveness. I just ask for understanding.

Caer Estherian.

There’s nothing left to say now… 
I’m giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now… 
There’s nothing left to say now… 
I’m giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now… 

And we run.

It burns into your heart, the darkness that you fear.
You were never free, and you never realized.
And love, is a word you’ve never heard.
Your heart ain’t cold cause it burns,the desire to leave the mire.

 

She hated this dream. She hated it because it was the reminder of everything that she couldn’t come to terms with and what made it worse was that it felt like this time around the scar that usually stayed hidden had been peeled back, poked and prodded and then sewn back up with dirty needles and thread. It was raw and throbbing, oozing with infection and pain. The itch, burning and sickness radiated through her body into her soul like an infection that threatened to turn gangrenous.

She stumbled through the dreamscape,  her feet tripping over things in the dark that even her sight couldn’t penetrate.  The cold was absolute and her body trembled with fatigue and cold. She just wanted someplace warm and safe; just needed to rest for a second or two. This war was weighing so heavily on her and she was so blasted tired, couldn’t she catch a break just for a moment?  The cold blasted into her face and it made the aching wound hurt all the more.

Take your breath ’til nothing’s left.
Scars of life upon your chest.
And I know wherever it goes

And we run, with a lonely heart
And we run, for this killing love
And we run, ’till the heavens above
Yeah we run, running in the dark
And we run, ’till we fall apart
And we run, ’till the heavens above

The scene shifted as it always seemed to and some part of her sleeping mind knew it was coming. This was the part where the pain began to shift to dread.  Warm hands cupped her neck from behind her, sending electric shivers down her shoulders and spine.  The skin touching hers spread a warmth down to the pit of her stomach, leaving the pins and needles sensation of sleeping skin coming alive.  Fear lanced deeply into her gut as those warm hands slid from her neck to her shoulders and down her arms, to clasp her hands, locking them in place.  The body that pressed against her back was the body of a warrior who was long used to battle. Firm, strong and so achingly close.

“Where have you been my little, dark dove?” The voice spoke with a soft lilt, some accent that Caer couldn’t recognize and in this dream had long since forgotten.  The hand moved from hers to turn her slowly and to caress the Miralukas cheek. Caer shuddered and tried to recoil, but her body wouldn’t obey, her stomach doing lazy flip-flops as a thumb brushed against her lips. “So cold, come let me warm you up.”

Caer fought to protest, a thousand ways to say no welled up in her mind and she tried to move them past her teeth, to give voice to the fears that were bubbling up in her like a fountain. Yet she found herself being led off by the woman who she had considered a friend and a confidant. Her name, Caer recalled was Tahapenes.

Tahapanes was a tall woman, with long black hair that almost had blue high-lights. Her golden colored skin almost shone in a metallic way and her eyes were a pale liquid blue that seemed almost eerily unnatural.   So many found her beautiful and on the battlefield, in the middle of a war between the Sith and the Jedi, beautiful things were so few and far between.  Men and women alike would have given their life to spend ten minutes with the woman and yet Hapa had ignored them all. Ignored them all for Caer.

Don’t blink, you’ll miss it.
Lift up your head.
I’ve gotta get gone.
Yeah, I’m outta here.
Don’t blink, you’ll miss it.
Lift up your head.
Too late, I’m gone.
Yeah, I’m outta here.

“Come.” The words were almost a command from Hapa and Caer fought to disobey- yet this dream while old- always stayed the same. The young woman obeyed that commanding voice. Even as Hapa pushed Caer into the room and shut the door, Caer fought to disobey and make her body do anything other than what it’d done a thousand times before.  Caer was pushed to the bed and she gave a startled cry as her legs went out from under her and Hapa pressed her against the soft bed after peeling off the filthy mud and snow caked Knights cloak. “We need to warm you up, little Dove.”

Hapa slid her hands over the buckles and straps that made up the bulk of Caers standard issue armor, long fingers unsnapping and unlatching things with a fluid ease that was startling. Even in this dream scape Caer was unnerved by how quickly Hapa unbuckled her chest plate and then slid her hand down to start working on the latches of her leggings unbuckling them just as quickly and setting the plates aside..

Hapa smiled  as the armor fell away to reveal the body suit that everyone wore on the field.  Caer on the other hand lay stiffly on the bed as the woman straddled the young Miraluka and bent to brush her lips against Caers. It sent a jolt of fear down Caers spine, fear and something else- she couldn’t put her finger on it.

There is no passion, there is serenity…“Hapa…Nn-”

The golden-skinned woman pressed her body against Caers and kissed her again, this time more firmly, cutting off any protest that the young MIraluka might have even tried to voice. Hapas lips pushing against Caers cold and chapped lips, making them ache and sting.  Her heart hammered in her chest and she wanted to shove the woman off. But her mind and body were frozen, a solid block of fear.

That fear only deepened as Hapa trailed a hand down Caers cheek and over a breast cupping it.  She hated this part of the dream- the helpless unable to move when all she wanted to do was scream and grow violent and break this womans neck and run back into the cold, numbing night.  The worst though, was the at feeling of longing. The feeling that this damned woman stirred deep, deep down inside. The feeling that threatened to push aside the sickness and fear.

I’ma break these chains, run through the rain.
Never look back, never quit- work through the pain.
This blood in my veins run cold
When I think it’ll never be the same
But I never lose hope.

This is fear I’ve never feared so much.
Don’t get involved make the hate rise up.
Give my life before I ever give up
This ain’t right, you lost all my trust.

Caer lay there and let what happened next happen. She couldn’t stop it- she couldn’t stop it then and in this nightmare there was no way she couldn’t stop it now in this hellish place of her mind.  Her body betrayed her at every turn as Hapa caressed her breasts, slid down over her belly and between her thighs. It was as if some devilish part of her reveled in making her feel like this. Some perversion of the natural order of things keeping her from protesting or maybe it was the lips that were firmly pressed against hers, barely allowing her a breath let alone a word of protest.

She gave little whimpers and her body bucked to try and dislodge Hapa, but it only seemed to encourage the older woman. The hand between her thighs soon turned into a knee prying her legs apart and deft fingers unzipped the inner lining, slipping inside.  The sensations that followed were wrong and yet so right in every way.  Fingers found places that Caer had never thought possible.  Her body trembled and shivered, finally releasing after what seemed like an eternity.

 

And it feels so marvelous
Just take my hand and run.

And we run, with a lonely heart
And we run, for this killing love
And we run, ’till the heavens above
Yeah we run, running in the dark
And we run, ’till we fall apart
And we run, ’till the heavens above

Caer jerked awake, blankets clutched in her hands and pressed against her mouth to stifle the scream that threatened to spill from between her teeth, the stink of fear and sweat permeating throughout the room she shared with nobody.  She gagged on the bile that rose in her throat and struggled to force her to heave her guts right there on her blankets and lap.

Her legs tangled in the blankets as she fought to get out of bed and to the fresher in time to throw up. Slamming her knee on her foot locker as she nearly stumbled to the ground, she had to clamp her mouth shut with her hands to keep from spewing on the floor. Her body heaving just as she made it to the toilet and spilled her guts into the bowl; the smell of fresh water soon drowned out by the smell of vomit.  Racked with heaves, she let it roll through her until she was sure her body was finished and then rested her head against the rim of the toilet seat for a few moments, letting it cool her forehead and calm her frayed nerves.

“Why do you hate?” That voice came unbidden in her mind, conjuring up those  eyes that seemed to peer out from under a cowl. 

“Because I want to hate it. I want to loathe it… want to fear it. I want to take everything I feel so confused about and shove it away,  make it dead. Bury it and make it go away someplace I never want to visit again.” She whispered to the empty space around her.

That was how she had wanted to answer him. That was how she had wanted to just come clean.  Goddess she hated Empaths. Bloody Empaths always knowing how a person felt before they did. The way they unburied and poked at things that were better left covered in dirt.

“You have to face this. Deal with it or it will eat at you. Hate leads to the darkness. You know this.” 

Of course Caer knew. She knew better than anyone just what the darkness could do to people. She hunted people like that- those who let their fear and anger consume them.

Getting to her feet, she dressed quickly and dug out her duffle pack. Quickly stuffing various items in it, she zipped it shut and clipped her saber and twin blades to her waist.

She ran.

And we run, with a lonely heart
And we run, for this killing love
And we long for a heavenly heart

Shadows and Hunts.

They disgust me.  All of them.

They taint the galaxy with their sickness, spreading it like a disease. How can anyone enjoy being homosexual and think it’s natural? How can anyone sleep with someone of their own gender and think “this is okay”?  It makes my skin crawl to think I’m surrounded by them and they seem to agree that it’s perfectly fine to vocalize it. To flaunt it and that they think its hilarious to try and spread their sickness to others.

I only accept my brother and Xaishen because they are family. I only accept Raiyden because we are twins and because I love him. I tolerate it because he IS my brother. IT doesn’t mean I have to tolerate it or accept it in others.

Facing that? Facing myself as some sick twisted perversion? I can’t accept that. I can’t accept being something so twisted and wrong that I would even consider such a thing. But the things that… mirror me said..

That I would like it? I should consider it? That deep down, way way down inside that I would enjoy sleeping with another woman. That the other me thinks that it’s okay?

The freak deserved to die. It felt good to destroy her and make sure she can’t taint anyone else. Even if she wasn’t real, it felt good to just take that false creature and utterly destroy her.

I think the worst thing to deal with after all that was all the stares and comments. Dealing with Raiyden trying to rationalize me. Tom trying to help me. I just really wanted left the hell alone.

As it is, Raiyden actually said something that made me want to slap the ever-loving hell out of him. He cornered me and told me that I should try it. That I should actually give it a shot. I wanted to clock him into next week. I was physically ill at the thought that he would even consider saying that to me- out loud and to my face.

Yeah, that’s not happening. I’d rather gut myself with my own blades than even consider doing anything intimate with another woman.

At least one bright spot out of that nightmare was that I got to kill my own doppelganger.

In other news I think my training with the Archon is going well. He says it  is anyways.  I try not to bother him and if anything I try to take it upon myself to learn what I think I need to learn about being a part of the Marran.  I’m slowly learning to grasp how to use the Flames and while it’s a process I feel like I need to be learning this on my own- I hate bothering people and I hate feeling like I should know this already but don’t. The Archon says it takes time, but I know I could be of more use if I actually had a clue how to use the Flames already.

I met an interesting person. A Garhoon named Ther’ak (I think he’s not related to the Archon- not sure… haven’t really asked). I like him. He’s straight forward and doesn’t beat around the bush. He gets to the point and sometimes says things that need saying.  Though sometimes his meanings come across as confusing and amusing. Kanth had to correct him a few times and I admit, once the initial shock wore off I was quietly laughing.  Alasha had to convince me that he wasn’t going to eat me, but once that was over I think we got along well- fighter to fighter.  He apparently wants to take me hunting later on. I’m intrigued to see what happens and if he’s a good hunter. I think I like the fact I actually have something in common with someone. He’s a warrior and I think he enjoys a good fight like I do. I’m a fighter first and foremost and I live for a good fight, I enjoy the feel of my adrenaline coursing through my veins. Give me a good fight and I’m alive. I am looking forward to this hunt he’s proposed- we leave tomorrow.

Jallira I don’t think understands my sense of humor. I have a rather warped sens of humor and listening to her talk about her sentient couch being destroyed and the Wookiee responsible for selling Alti the couch just tickled me like nothing else. She’s so fun to tease and I don’t mean anything by it. She’s really like the sister I always wanted. How I had hoped Lyrae’a could have been. I feel protective of her just like I do Raiyden. It probably drives her nuts but I can’t help it.

I need to get ready to leave for this hunt. Not sure how things are going to go, but with any luck I’ll be able to get a better perspective on this person and find out more about the Garhoon, maybe ask things I don’t necessarily feel comfortable asking Alasha or Ihlrath.

 

Reflections.

After a hectic month things seemed to have finally settled for the time being.

My brother is calmer now knowing that Xaishen is out of danger from this illness he contracted while helping the Marran.  It was touch and go for a while. This bioweapon illness caused him to get sick and basically fall into a coma. He’s better now, but it was a nightmare for my brother. I don’t think he honestly slept through the whole thing and it took almost sheer force to get him to rest when made to.

I think a good thing through this was Jallira. She did everything she could to help and I think if it wasn’t for the fact that Jallira and Raiyden get along so well, Raiyden would have been an even bigger mess. She’s good for Raiyden; I can see that. They have so much in common and they can talk for hours it seems. Raiyden seems more social and willing to chat with people now. I really do think she’s a great influence on Raiyden.

Tom signed on to the group as well. After helping us get Jallira back from being kidnapped and I helped throw in my recommendation, Alasha and Ihlrath went ahead and signed him on. He’s been nice to have around again, I admit. A familiar face and a solid presence.

Everyone else has been… well good. The group is so large and everyone does their own thing that I don’t see people very often. Nia and her fiancee finally tied the knot and I believe are off on a honey moon. The wedding was absolutely beautiful and I was happy to see her look so radiant.

I’ve learned so much about the different species that seem to weave their way in and out of the Marran like so much fabric in a tapestry. It’s rich and colorful. The chiss fascinate me quite a bit, I’ve never met one before the Marran and I find them completely fascinating.

However…the Garhoon… I’m not sure where to begin. I mean I trust Ihlrath, I honestly do, but his aura? It’s not like anything I’ve seen before and I admit, a wariness wells up in me when I am around him. I think it’s just a defense mechanism I didn’t recognize in myself before now. I’ve always had trouble around men who were more powerful than I am.

Now there is this.. Ther’ak man who apparently is here to help the group with this… virus thing that’s going on. To be honest I’m trying hard to figure out what’s going on. Either way, I’m interested in seeing what happens. Interested in seeing how far things go.

I think my … performance with the Marran is going well. I’ve been told I’ve been doing well and that I’ve been minimal trouble. Kind of makes me wonder what kind of people these guys have had to deal with in the past. I mean I’m not a trouble maker, but I’m always amused and a little concerned when Nyomii or Alasha say the reason they like me is because I listen.  Some part of me wonders if they’re just genuinely happy that I can follow orders or if they want  blind followers- Though I doubt that…

What just happened…

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the past few days. It’s been odd for me to be in this position where I’ve been gone for so long that everything around me has changed. But what the hell could I expect? I was gone from the inner core area and geeze, from everywhere but Alderaan and Alpheridies in general for over a year. 

I spent months chasing the Syndicate. WE spent months chasing them, alliances forged others broken. We brought down Scylla with the help of Vaulk and his red meat wall of a brother Lord Fang. Even then I find it odd that Vaulk and I have gotten somewhat… close over the past few months. He’s given me a lot of valuable information and I’m not going to turn that kind of stuff away- besides he’s not bad for a Pureblood and the company could certainly be worse. At least he treats me with the same respect he’d treat others when it comes to business and I’m willing to work with him for the sake of important information. I suppose Scyllas idiotic death helped us in some regard. Lyrae’as off happy with Alistere now and that means she’s out of my damn hair. 

But when I came back… it feels like the entire universe has changed in small but noticeable ways.

I remember Nia the last time I saw her. We were at that god forsaken place on Shaddaa. That shit hole of a bar that everyone seemed to like. I can’t even remember what it was but I got unreasonably mad at her and walked away. I don’t even remember what it was about but that had been the last time I’d seen her. But I do remember she used to be so blatantly outgoing and very much willing to get in someones face. She didn’t back down from anything and nothing and I mean nothing could rattle that woman. She used to date Sith. You kind of have to have some serious balls to date Sith. Serious balls or be a glutton for punishment.  

But last night was another story all together. I mean yeah sure she’s engaged to that scrawny and sour and extremely temperamental Chiss, but he’s definitely no Sith Lord. Anyways, I guess I scared the force right out of her cause when I hugged her as I said hello, she got all Sullustan Fainting Goat on me and went all stiff and her aura did this little wibbly wobbly thing and then her eyes glazed over like the lights were on but Nia wasn’t home sort of expression. Her fiance went all puff up puff up rawr and I was thoroughly confused as to what the hell happened. She started stammering and stuttering like Arten had been stuck on the washer during the agitate cycle… and next thing I know she’s hyperventilating and at that point i just bailed. Steve said something about Nia having a hard time and I believed it but I had no idea what to say. All I could do was apologize and feel like a complete dumbass and totally out of the loop. I ended up slinking my stupid ass back to my ship and spending the night there with my cat Noodle.

It really kind of hit me just how little I know these people and just how much of a stranger I truly am. These people aren’t who I remember… I don’t know them. At all.  I mean a year ago… I don’t remember Ihlrath having claws and doing things he could do now. I remember Alasha being brutal and cold and well wanting to kill everyone and I just wanted to wrap my hands around her neck and shake it like a maraca. Now I consider her a friend.

Speaking of, Alasha had some bad reaction to Kal-dur. I’m guessing it was some sort of touch based memory- uh, what do they call it. Psy.something. I brought Raiyden aboard to meet the others and Alasha in particular since she’s an Arbiter and something happened. Either way, Kal-dur ended up a projectile and Alasha ended up feeling horrible about it. Raiy helped Jallira (Who’s adorable and sweet.) with Kal while I stayed with Ani and Alasha to help calm her down. 

Raiyden liked everyone even though chaos broke loose. He was impressed with how polite and welcoming they were and I think he was willing to hear more about the Marran. I’ll probably bring him back to talk with the others some other time after Kal has had some time to recover. He was pretty messed up. Raiy said he broke his back and I cringe at the memory of him hitting the wall like that. I’ll go by and see how he’s doing later. I actually like the guy, he’s got a sense of humor.

It’s late though and I should walk Noodle before heading to bed. Maybe I’ll head to the med-center before I go to bed and check on Jallira and Kal. 

Looking back moving forward.

It’s been too long since I last picked up this journal. Even longer since I’ve bothered to look at it or even write. It just stopped being important for so long. Too much has really happened for me to put it in on entry. Raiyden and Xaishen getting married and having kids. Yeah they actually had kids, Lyrae’a and I are aunts.  Raiys a council member on Alpheridies now and he spends his time between family and his duties.  Arten and Ayliah are getting married and having a kid themselves.

The crew is all but broken up and I think it’s okay. Xaishen and Raiyden have so much to do with a family. Lyrae’a and Alistere are doing whatever they do and of course Kheni, Neirov and everyone else have always kind of done their own thing. Tom went off with his Padawan though I think he was knighted by now. Tinocht and Sidhe found Tino’s mom and is living with her on Coruscant.

I can’t do the domestic thing, so I did the only thing I thought was best for me. I headed off Alpheridies and looked for something to do.  I ended up back in the Core and finding the Marran. It wasn’t on purpose really but I remember Nia saying she worked with them. Last I’d seen them was as my backside was retreating from Voss. I asked if they needed any extra hands and was told sure they’re in the middle of some stuff.

So… I signed on.

It’s been a couple of weeks now and I’ve helped here and there. I’m still getting to know people and it’s been a bit of a daunting task trying to understand people and work as a team.  It’s been even harder trying to fit in with a group and understand the dynamics of the crew. I’m used to a small five to eight man crew who know each other well enough that they can work as a team and draw upon one another without long discussion or chaos or something else to distract.

Things are… adjusting. It’s weird working without my brother. I’m having to adjust to the fact that I don’t have his bond to rely upon when I am in combat. It’s particularly difficult with droids- I can’t see them and Raiyden has always been able to through the force.  I admit, it was hard faking my way through a mission with the Archon and Arbiter Alasha.  The droids were the worst but I followed the Archon and did what I could to help out. I’m not sure what we were doing but I just did as I was told. I’m not used to doing missions following others orders.  I can do it though, I’ve done it before.

How to describe everybody would take too long. Everyone has been fairly welcoming and while it’s odd to work along side mandalorians- usually they’re trying to kill me- I find that most of them are fairly easy going, even if a little too serious. I’ve met my first Chiss and my first Anzat.  Their cultures and species are very fascinating and I want to learn more.

Nia’s getting married to one of the Chiss I met. He seems very temperamental, easily angered and very easily offended.  Which is weird cause Nia is none of those. Well except the temperamental.  But he has been polite and civil enough to me and he even spoke with my brother the few times I brought him up to the Marran ship. He likes to be called Steve but his name is Izi something something… too long to remember or pronounce. I kind of have the impression that Chiss names require the removal of ones tongue to properly pronounce.

Speaking of Nia she seems …different. I can’t quite put my finger on it but she seems older. She even let me hug her and that just seemed really odd to me. I’ve never hugged her before and while she stiffened up and acted like she wanted to throw me off of her, she let me hug her. Twice. It was just so surreal.  I hope she’s okay and I hope that whatever it might be is just my imagination or the long time I haven’t seen her. It’s been over a year.

Anyways, I should head to bed. I get to spend hours going through old Marran history  sometime tomorrow to find out what I missed and just how this team works. The more I know the better prepared I’ll be to work with the various people and to act accordingly. As it is, the Archon himself took me under his tutelage to ensure that I follow the laws of the group and make sure that I’m not going to muck things up.  I admit, he intimidates me- which is no mean feat, but he seems amicable enough and I really like Alasha. She’s been very helpful in making me feel welcome and to fit in.