She’s just a little worn down.

She’s just a woman
not just a woman
She’s terrified and
she’s unafraid
She’ll change her mind
with the change of the seasons
She’s every reason
you’ll ever need
She’ll never say what you
should already know by now
Sometimes you’ll swear
she can read your mind
Sometimes she’ll seem as if
she’s broken down
Yeah but everything that’s perfect
took a little workin out yeah

<Personal journal of Caer Estherian. Location: Alpheredies.>

Thisi s one of those things that I can’t help but start with saying I have no idea where to start. Maybe it’d help if I kept up on my journal like I’m supposed to, but it seems the more I tell myself I’ll write later or talk later the less I’m inclined to do it.

No wonder I cant lead worth spit, I can’t even make me listen to myself. Xaishen has done a better job at leading than I have; from what I heard he’s got the rest of the crew acting on the informational tip I gave him and they jumped right to it without arguing.  They just said okay and left.  Figures.

We were recalled to Alpheredies while on Alderaan after Raiydens wedding.

The wedding was wonderful. Xaishen and Raiyden loved every second of it and the maritime pirate theme. Both looked so good in their respective costumes and I knew the ladies would love theirs as well. The vows they exchanged as really touching. Arten got Xaishen a pair of Nexu for a wedding gift, I’ve never seen a Sith tear up before it was both touching and creepy at the same time.

We were only a few days into the vacation when we got a call that Xaven had been seriously injured by one of the other Seekers.  The long story short is that Kaine Sovus had been taken over by Anubis. Possession, plain and clear. Xaven was called back to the home world and met with Daron, Ayliahs father. They both confronted Anubis and both ended up nearly killed. We’re not even sure if Daron is technically alive.  He’s catatonic and Xavens throat was nearly crushed. He was in intensive care for some time and we all went back to his bed side just in case he didn’t make it.

Kaine.. he’s fine. Figures right? Ayliahs father is nearly killed, my uncle will never talk normally again.  I also learned that Kaine Sovus is the Primus of the Shadow Blades.  Basically take the Jedi Consulars who are spies for the Order and the SIS and roll them into one.  He’s the leader of his own sect like Sharise was of the Blade Dancers. I guess he’s good friends with Xaven and came to visit him often. Naturally Lyrae’a hates him. I think Lyr is just terrified that she’ll lose yet another person. It was close with Xaven and she’s almost rabidly protective of her uncle.

However, it seems Kaine has opted to fill in where Sharise failed and where Lucien… Lucien couldn’t continue. It still aches to know he’s gone.  Kaine wants to train me and is willing to travel with the crew to do it. Sharise demanded I stay on Alpheredies. It’s strange how the two were so different and already Kaine has told me of all the different little ways Sharise failed.  Father said if I didn’t take up his offer he’d strangle me (honestly, a bit too soon father…) that being trained by Kaine was like being trained by the Grand Master. He’s never taken a student at all once he became Primus and I’d be his first.

I love it. I feel alive again. I honestly feel like I have a purpose again and some part of me hopes that this won’t be another Sharise… another Lucien.

It’s just one day at a time though, its all I can do and hope that the past doesn’t repeat itself. I just know there is no option for failure. I can’t fail a third time. Second chances like this don’t come along like this and I can’t fail my crew, my family and myself.

 

She’s just a woman
not just a woman
She’ll break your heart and
she’ll make you strong
And she can take you
completely make you
so uncertain but
so better off

She’ll never say what you
should already know by now
Sometimes you’ll swear
she can read your mind
At times she’ll seem as if
she’s broken down
Yeah but everything was workin
why’d you have to let her down again
again

She’s just a woman
not just a woman
She’s terrified and
she’s unafraid
She is an icon
she keeps her brights on
She’ll break your heart yeah
but she’s got her ways

She’s just a woman
not just a woman
She’s complicated with
an easy smile
She is a genius
but she don’t see it
She is a dream in
your waking hour

She’ll never say what you
should already know by now
Sometimes you’ll swear
she can read your mind
At times she’ll seem as if
she’s broken down
Yeah but everything that’s perfect
gets a little worn, little worn down
little worn down yeah
little worn down
a little worn down

 

-Rob Thomas- She’s just a woman

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