<From the personal journal of Caer Estherian>
Alpheridies isn’t what I expected it to be and the family even less so. I don’t like it here. It’s too formal, too nice, too… fake.
No I take that back, everything is genuine except for the feelings of comfort. Nothing here is comfortable and everything feels like one huge bulging sack waiting to be cut open, spilling all the secrets it holds. Uncomfortable contents nobody really wants to look at and the kind that could reach up and bite you.
I dislike it. I dislike how the people who gave birth to us are total strangers but try and pretend they know all about my brother and I. How the other family members try a little too hard to be familiar with us. We’re here for a purpose, not because we want to be. Raiyden is as painfully uncomfortable as I am, though he seems to be handling it better than I am.
Then again, he handles most things better than I do. He’s always been far more patient than I have been. I don’t have the patience to sit through awkward situations and I don’t have the desire to really pretend I’m okay with any of this. None of us are okay with any of this and all of us are just waiting for things to finally get to the point to where we arrive to the moment when we’ve run out of things to say or do and get to the moment we’ve all been waiting for.
Raiyden and I have not had a chance to speak with our parents privately yet and I’m not sure just how much longer it will be before we have to. I don’t even know why I call them my parents. They didn’t raise us, they just donated the genetic coding to make us. Her name is Kyriah, his name is Lynnas. My sisters name isn’t Kosruk, it’s Lyrae’a. I have a dozen aunts and uncles and a bunch of supposed cousins and other assorted relatives. They live on a huge hundreds of acre plot of land that has a dozen houses on it all for the family. Lynnas is on the council and Kyriah is a healer with the Luka Sene, he’s also a half Miraluka or whatever they call it. His mother was Human, that’s all I really know.
These people feel nothing like a family to me. I see them and they are a family; to each other. All of them with the same force potential my brother and I have if not more in some cases. They have close binds and a sense of love among one another is very powerful. I can see it in how they acted towards each other in dinner tonight. Everyone was happy to see each other and they were so familiar. We felt like intrusions on their sanctuary and it bothered me to sit there and listen to them attempt to include us in on conversations we had no idea about.
I think things would have gone much better if Arten hadn’t of blatantly blurted out about Kosruk in front of the entire dinner party. I sometimes wonder what the hell goes through his head. Even Xaishen looked shocked and I’ve never seen Xai look anything other than bored or blank looking. Lynnas and Kyriah looked uncomfortable and ashamed. I have never wanted to invoke violence on my padawan before, but I was sorely tempted then.
So I left. I just excused myself and left. I couldn’t have possibly felt more disappointed in Arten. I am not sure if I ever have to face something so personal like this again will I allow anyone other than Raiyden to come with me. I don’t want to deal with people opening their mouths to sate their curiosity.
I feel bad that I left Raiyden to deal with everything and I know Tom likely helped him. I just hope Dyme and Neirov didn’t make the situation worse. By that point I had a pounding headache and just wanted left alone.
Tomorrow is the meeting. We’ll find out what the Sene council wants and what might happen with Neirov. I just pray that Arten can keep his mouth shut so as to not cause more friction.