Restless and Lost.

Caer pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. The sounds of the bar around her had grated on her nerves. The chattering of this person or that person fighting to over power the other noises in the bar grated on her ears and the swirling masses of various auras made her head throb and pulse with the rise and fall of conversation. It was like a wave of sound that rose up, crashed down only to be replaced by a new wave.

Caer didn’t even hear most of the conversation that was going on between the people she considered friends. Dyme was there and her usual cheerful self, Neirov at her side; that was odd as it seemed he suddenly had taken a shine to Dyme. Caer hadn’t even really engaged in any conversation as it was when she’d shown up, Neirov had immediately gone silent other than to ask Dyme to change the conversation.  Raiyden had shown up some time later and had left fairly early.

Why had she even been there?

She was restless, her weight shifting from one foot to another and it took all her patience not to snap at most of the people around her. Instead she focused on the auras around her and tried not to recoil in horror at all the Sith that seemed to surround them.

Well, dark auras. If any of them were actually Sith worth their title, she’d be amazed. Most she ran into in the Slopes were generally mentally deficient wannabe’s who’s only ability or power was to mouth off and then call up buddies for back up. Really, to Caer those weren’t Sith, they were kids pretending to wield power they had no hope of ever controlling.

Her head pounded.

She fingered the little datachip she’d received from the Council that day and sighed heavily, that little piece of information weighing on her mind more heavily than anything else at the moment. She’d gone before the council pleaded her case and had swallowed quite a bit of pride as she’d been reminded of her failures on Voss by a few of the council members; she was secretly glad Master Kaeden was still stuck on Ilum, but his holo communication was there and he’d surprised her by voting in favor of her especially after Caer’s impassioned plea for the boy.

Caer couldn’t help but smirk a bit as she recalled that conversation. “The kids got absolutely no guidance. I feel the order and the Council, yes, I’m blaming you all for failing this padawan when the galaxy needs Jedi the most. Let me train him, get him to at least to where he won’t go wandering into the hands of the Sith. Honestly guys, how could you seriously drop the hutt ball on this? I see him on Nar Shaddaa hanging out with Dark force users and myself or my brother have had to personally bail him out a few times!  He’s without a Master and has no idea what he’s doing. Let me take him, train him and at least return him to the Order with some of that space between his ears filled and a spine that’s not as wiggly as a Nautolans head tress.”

“She might be what the boy needs.” Kaeden commented, his tone dry and looking less than pleased, though Caer suspected if he was of the same mind, he disliked Ilum as much as she did.  “The boy lacks confidence and lets face is, she’s got a bit too much of it. Maybe they’ll balance each other out. Get that brother of hers to fill in where she’s weak at in terms of academics and whoever else. But I vote against her coming back to full Master status.”

Master Shan had agreed and Caer had been happy with that. She didn’t want to be a full Master. She didn’t really want that type of responsibility and she agreed silently with Master Kaeden though she’d keep that little admittance behind her teeth even through torture.

Shan had given her permission to train Artenn in a part-time position as long as she returned to the Order, dividing her time up between the Luka Sene and the Order. Something which Caer hadn’t wanted to do, but there was nothing to be done about it. Her own training as a Luka Sene would at least afford her some work on her own and then her work with Artenn might possibly help her focus a bit and lower some of the aggression she felt towards people.

Her head continued to pound as she thought about that exchange.

She had a padawan now.

The Sith and noises around her reminded her of another problem she had. Drayviakki and Xaishen.  Dray being the biggest problem in that they couldn’t get to him so she could show him what it mean to mess with her brother and think he could get away with it. She wanted to hurt him, badly. Very un-jedi like but she didn’t particularly care. It was personal. It was what needed done and while she knew that all of her friends would never approve of her line of thinking, it couldn’t be helped.

The realization had hit her on her way back to Toms ship.

 

All their lives… Caers, Raiydens, Neirovs… they’d been continually sent off to combat locations. Places that required them to work as a team, to fight as a team and to become reliant on themselves and each other.

Caer had always been the action over words type. That had been her forte and one she felt proud about. She was the action and she missed it. Hudgarr had told her she’d needed laid, which she just blushed and kept her comments to herself. But that wasn’t it. She needed to lead, to guide and direct. To feel the anticipation of combat and danger. The feeling of being able to help others through the actions the took.

That’s what she missed more than anything. Feeling useful and needed by people who couldn’t help themselves.

The headache had grown into a full blow migraine. She needed to find a quiet place to sleep.

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