Caer didn’t even know where to begin with sorting out her thoughts. They felt like a jumble up mess inside her head as she lay next to Tom, feeling emotionally, mentally and physically drained.
The past week had been one ordeal after another, first her apology to Niatara. She felt it had ended on a positive note, and though she was uncertain if the woman had genuinely forgiven her, at least Caer had gotten it off her chest that things had not gone well. That at least had been a highlight to her week and one she could count as a good thing among the slew of bad that had happened and could still potentially happen.
Then there was the talk with Kruven. The man had confused her, intrigued her and worst of all made her actually want to help him. Why was beyond her, other than she recognized that he was as screwed as she was, if not more. It had taken some convincing the others to agree to meet with him at their usual meeting spot. They had spoken to him, Tom, Neirov and Raiy asking their questions, Dalken there as back up or emotional support. Though she had no idea really why he’d been there. The talk had gone well and she was proud of her group for doing so well. They had parted, the Sith saying he still had much to think about before departing.
At least she’d not seen hide or Lekku of the Twi’lek Zuri-nova. Caer had been furious with the woman after the Twi’lek had accused her of sounding like a slave owner. The context had made no sense to Caer or to Dyme who had been just as confused as Caer. There had been no conversation about slaves or owning slaves and the woman to who Caer had been speaking to obviously was not a slaver either. They had been talking civilly about the idiocy of the galaxy when Zuri had spewed her outburst and then promptly clammed up.
It had angered Caer enough for her to walk off and when Zuri had attempted to apologize, Caer had told her she didn’t want to hear it; and Caer hadn’t. She had a particular idea about slavers and slavery in general and most of it was that she and her brother had spent most of their lives fighting to keep people free from the tyranny of the Empire and here the Twi’leks went out of their way to fling themselves into that ideal without a second thought. If there was one thing Caer did not stand for was willful idiocy. Zuri had sputtered some sort of apology and had clicked off her comm.
Caer hadn’t heard from her since.
Not that Caer hadn’t been too busy with things of her own, she had been busy reconnecting with Neirov and Raiyden, talking to Dyme, Toms sister as well as spending as much time as she could with Tomuraan. And why not? He was brilliant, funny and a steady wealth of patience and tolerance. She sometimes found herself awed by how he relied so much on his masters teachings to guide him. She also realized just how he made her feel insecure sometimes. Caer realized he would never do so purposely, or that he’d go out of his way to do so; in fact she knew he’d be disappointed that she felt that way. Caer always knew she was the brawn of the group, never the brains. Sure she could whip out a good tactic when it came to attacking, but Raiyden was the one who fed her the information on which to formulate her plan of attack. But Caer had often found herself laying awake at night wondering what it was that Tom saw in her.
That would be that self doubt talking. She knew it and she did her best to keep it under control. Sometimes like now, it got to her.
It had been a rough couple of days, some things she didn’t want to remember and purposefully blocked from her mind. It was with the pure sheer will of her survival instinct that she’d refused to recall what had happened to her brother and to her during her imprisonment of her and her brothers mind. Playing host to Drayviakki’s mental assaults and the attempt to twist and turn them against one another. The worst of it being that Dray had wanted to turn Raiyden against her, to use his knowledge of the force for his own gain. What Raiyden had learned from his decades of study of the sentient body as not only a mind healer, but as a physical healer. He had tried to use Caer against Raiyden and even now Caer wondering if her brother had been as close to cracking and giving in as she had been.
Again she had failed him and again he would have to clean up the mess. It made her feel guilty and even as she turned over to try and sleep, the guilt gnawed at her. Dray had used her against Raiyden. Caer felt bad that she’d fallen into the trap and had caused her brother so much pain and anguish.
She’d do better, she’d fix this mess one way or another. Even if it meant going to Dromund Kaas and hunting down Drayviakki an his Master herself.
Sleep claimed her, too mentally exhausted for sleep, she slept dreamless.