To get a dream of life again

Caer rested in the comfortable bed, her arm draped over the edge, the other wedged underneath her, her elbow bent so that she could rest her hand over Tomuraans hand that was draped over her side.  She had woken in the middle of the night from a startling vivid dream.

No, that wasn’t accurate. It was more of a recent memory than a dream; though thankfully not one of her usual nightmares.  She had Tom to thank for that, at least she didn’t have to worry too much about having the horrid nightmares when she was in the same room with someone.

No, the afternoon was not a dream at all. She had been asked to meet with someone who knew Kruven. She had not told anyone her true destination as she had headed to Voss, simply telling everyone she was on a mission. She had met with the people in question, though on edge and sensing a trap.

I was looking for a breath of life
For a little touch of heavenly light
But all the choirs in my head say, no oh oh

They had asked her about her ordeal. They had asked for details and she had given them. Some part of her wondering just why. She had endured the questioning, endured the rehashing of memories. The woman who had questioned her had thanked her and had said that Kruven was as much a victim as she. That Zaydia, his sister had tried to destroy them both through various means.

For some reason that had angered Caer. Kruven had been as much of a scapegoat as she had. Except Kruven had the Sith on his side. They had launched an investigation to save not only his ass, but hers.

And here the Republic had been more than happy to point the finger at her and say “it’s her fault!”   They had been more than willing to make sure everyone knew that she had been the one to fail, the one to take the blame, placing squarely on her shoulders. Somewhere Caer had begun to wonder if that was when she’d started to crack.

To get a dream of life again
A little vision of the sight at the end
But all the choirs in my head say, no oh oh

It had been a moment of uncertainty that she had volunteered to go with them to Tatooine. Back to that place where she’d been found. She had volunteered and told them she’d go, she wanted to find Zaydia as much as they did. Not to redeem her.

To destroy her.  To completely and utterly render Darth Tormentia as helpless, hurt and scared as Caer had been. There would be no turning her over to the Jedi council. There would be no attempts at turning the woman to the light, she was beyond that, Caer was beyond the thought that redemption worked with most a

Who’s side am I on? Who’s side am I?
Who’s side am I on? Who’s side am I?
Who’s side am I on? Who’s side am I?

And the feel of it rushes through me
From my heart down to my legs
But the room is so quiet, oh oh oh

The trip to Tatooine had been one of complete secrecy. She had shown Vayle and Nicodemus the location where he’d been found, a wreckage of flesh and bone;  they had found a holocron- of course the witch wouldn’t be there. One in which Darth Tormentia had appeared. To mock them of course.  To mock her. She had kept herself together well, had learned a very important thing.

Nia hadn’t been involved.

The thought had both shamed and elated her. The thought that the person she had wanted to blame, the woman who was genuinely innocent in all of that mess had been telling the truth. It had made her feel both ashamed and relieved that the woman had not truly been involved, the doubt warring with the logic was finally over and she could believe once and for all that the Zabrak woman was innocent. At least in that.

All in all Caer had done well, her afternoon had been spent on Tatooine with nine Sith. One of who she’d needed to threaten only once, some inconsequential child who seemed bent on wrecking the mission by being hostile. The other Sith had even grown agitated at the childs antics.

And although I wasn’t losing my mind
It was a call that was so sublime
But the room is so quiet, oh oh oh

It was only Zaydias words that kept Caer riveted to the scene. Ignoring the baking heat of the twin suns, the Darkness that surrounded her like a blanket, threatening to welcome her, make her feel safe and secure and then suffocate her like an helpless infant.  Caer had listened to the taunts, to the woman’s poisoned words and felt her anger, her agitation grow and she realized that the Dark side was trying to worm its way through her.

Who’s side am I on? Who’s side am I?
Who’s side am I on? Who’s side am I?
Who’s side am I on? Who’s side am I?

It’s a harder way
And it’s come to claim her
And I always say
We should be together
I can see below
‘Cause there’s something in here
And if you are gone
I will not belong here 

Caer thought of Tomuraan- the way he’d handle this situation. She focused her thoughts on the Mirialan as she stood there, listening to the two Sith speak, listening to the holo of Zaydia talk about how she enjoyed hearing Caer scream, how she would not make things easy. Of course not, why would that ever happen? Caer had wondered if there was actually real information to be had on the holo. However, the Sith with her had taken the holo, for their own purposes.

It had been with some disappointment she had left, leaving the Sith behind and heading back to Tomuraans ship.  He’d found hr there, meditating and had joined her. They had slipped into their bond, their little place inside the force where they could talk, see each other for what they really were.  That safety of their minds intertwining, matching and sharing their thoughts, ideas, and worries through the force was something that Caer always looked forward to. It gave her a sense of balance.  She felt like she was okay inside that place again, that there was nothing there that could hurt her.

Nothing could. Tom would never allow that to happen and while she was mentally weak with the force, she knew that inside there, inside that special world nothing could happen.  Tom had opened up to her in ways she had not expected him to. Revealing his own fears, his own doubts and in some huge way, it had made her realize, Tomuraan was just as  vulnerable as anyone else. He was just as mortal and had those fears and the thought of being that lost kid who didn’t have any idea what to do anymore than she or Raiyden or even Neirov did.

It made her love him more for it.

Yes, she admitted she loved him. Perhaps not on some deeply emotional profound and life altering level that the stupid romance holos always wanted to tout, but it was there.  She had realized her feelings for him the night after her and Raiydens fight. He had admitted he loved her, had for a while, but she had been unsure. Her mind had been so chaotic when he’d said that she’d had no idea how to react. He’d understood though, and that had made her realize that yes, she did care for him, deeply. He had put no pressure on her, he had made his emotions plain to her and she had balked a bit. He accepted that.

He knew she needed time and accepted that.

Their meditations however had changed everything. The opening up, the talking, the admissions of feelings and curiosities. Tom and Caer had spoken for hours, then he’d kissed her.  The kiss had sparked emotions, feelings and thoughts in her that had shaken her, but in a good way.  Caer had tried to reciprocate that, but her efforts were clumsy at best. Some part of her had been amused by that.

They’d talked for a bit more, deciding that perhaps sleep was in order; she had agreed. One more kiss and they had curled up, that physical contact doing more for her than anything. Just the fact that someone was there by her side, and had faith in her was enough for her to sleep a dreamless sleep. The taste of his kiss still on her lips.

And I started to hear it again 
But this time it wasn’t the end 
And the room was so quiet, oh 
And my heart is a alive again


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