Where is the edge- Where is the light- Part 3.

Where is the edge
Of your darkest emotions?
Why does it all survive?
Where is the light
Of your deepest devotions?
I pray that it’s still alive.

You can’t stop yourself
Don’t want to feel
Don’t want to see what you’ve become.

You can’t walk away
From who you are
Never give in.

Where is the edge
Of your darkest emotions?
Why does it all survive?
Where is the light
Of your deepest devotions?
I pray that it’s still alive.

The desert suns baked her skin, making it feel dried and like a husk that was about to blow away in the non-existant wind. She couldn’t remember how she got there or who had placed her in the sand to fend for herself. She had been given only minimal water, no saber to protect herself and she was blind.

Literally blind. The repeated abuse had disrupted the force sight she relied so heavily upon.  She prayed that it would return to her eventually- if she survived this ordeal. The heat was unbearable, and she wore only the minimal of clothing, a simple leg wrap and some type of top that she’d been dressed in. All her armor, her saber, everything she’d had on her at the time of her abduction- all gone.

Days, she had been gone days a week nearly and she could barely recall any of it. No, that was a lie. (Peace is a lie) – no.  That was what she had been told to believe.  The Darth had messed with her mind in numerous ways, Caer couldn’t even recall all the things she’d been told or led to believe. The woman had done her job of breaking down Caer’s defenses, confusing her, convincing her of things that would or would not happen. Hallucinations, ideas, emotions that weren’t hers. They tormented her more than the shock collar ever could.

The Darth had dredged up memories within the Miraluka that she had tried hard to forget. Things she’d done in her past that she was not proud of.  Things she’d done to get a job done or on orders of the Council.  This had gone on for days. Intermittent depending on the womans mood or her boredom level.

Then one day it’d stopped. Caer’s belly was the only sound in that room, the demand for food and water making her dry mouth water.  Nothing came or went into the room for hours, the Miraluka falling in and out of consciousness. She hadn’t heard the door open or the sound of her cuffs being released.  Caer had been utterly unaware of someone releasing her, leaving her to be found.

No, she had woken up, blind and laying in the sand. The heat of the suns beating down on her like angry fists. Her skin had quickly turned a livid red color, the canteen of water that had been left behind for her had been quickly drained.

She slept. It was dangerous to sleep in the Tatooine desert, but her body and mind demanded it.

It was how the group of rescuers had found her. Face down in the sand under the ribs of a giant beasts bones near the Sarlaac pit did the group find her.  Neirov and Raiyden had been the first ones to her, with Tomuraan a close second behind and Amaare.  Caer had been unaware of the fact that a Sith Lord being held by the leash of someone she wasn’t sure she trusted had come in last with another Imperial.

Caer had not known Kyic and Nia had shown up. It had been a good thing perhaps if she’d not known that until she’d been taken to a safer and more controlled location.  Caer knew she would not have approved of Kyic being there, would not have approved of Nia being there either.

But they were there, Raiyden had nearly over dosed himself on spice trying to boost his abilities to finding her. Neirov had been there at both their sides. Supporting them, watching over them as they were both taken to the local medical center where Hudgaar had done his best to keep them both alive, giving them the things they needed to survive. Amaare had been emotional support.

But even then Tomuraan had proven to be far more supportive in the emotional aspect than Caer had even now thought she’d been prepared for. He had gone into her mind, had sought permission to enter into that sanctuary that was up until then, been only for her brother to enter and he had helped her understand the fact from the fiction. He had done his best to help her understand that the things she heard and the sensations she experienced- the kindness, the help and the positive thoughts that were sent her way were genuine.

These people cared about her. He cared about her.

Never in her life had she experienced such a thing by sharing her thoughts, her inner most thoughts…her soul self with anyone but Raiyden. To be steeped in the force with another living being? It was something she would likely spend the next few days trying to understand as she and her brother recuperated.

Which even now as she lay in her bed, Caer tried to figure out though, what Kyics and Niatara’s angle had been in the rescue. What was it they wanted? Caer badly wanted to believe that Nia had gone on some sort of good faith act and not some ulterior motive. But if what she’d heard been true, why would Kyic have been there? And the other Imperial?  What stake did they have ensuring her survival? Kyic would never have agreed to go on such a thing unless he was compensated in some fashion. No. That wasn’t even true. He wouldn’t have gone at all unless it was to be rid of her himself.  It didn’t make sense.

Nia she quietly puzzled over. The woman was on her ship, she heard that much from Neirov.  But why? What was it she gained? Again a piece that made no sense. Caer recalled their last meeting; it had been cruel on Caer’s part and even now she couldn’t figure out what had possessed her to be so vicious to the woman.    Caer recalling the last moments she saw Nia before her abduction filled her with mixed feelings. Some part of her wanted to believe her gut instinct that Nia wasn’t involved, some part of her wanted to believe that she was trying to be a friend. But that tiny voice in her head, the years of training told her no. That the aura that she saw that night was a glimpse of the truth. A deep dark truth that Caer should leave alone. The kind of truth that should be left alone, sever the ties and walk away while she had a chance.

It didn’t matter. She was grateful to them all for their own risk. Their own personal sacrifices and it would reflect upon them in her opinion for some time to come. She owed the people on her ship her life.

She heard Neirov shifting on his mat on the floor and felt uncertain. She cared for him, she had cared for him since they were young. It was with mixed feelings she thought on him, the emotions so complicated that she felt her frustrations and anxiety rise as she did.

No, Caer would not think on Neirov. Not right now. It was too much to think about and one of the weapons the devilish woman had used against her. Caer’s own downfall had been uttering Neirovs name in the womans presence. He cheeks flushed with shame at that and she would die before she would ever speak of what she had spoken of.  Pain and manipulation could make even the most sealed lips part with the right  amount of time and patience.

Raiydens arm tightened around her and she gave a little stifled grunt of pain as he clung to his sister.

Raiyden. Her sole reason for existing. It was because of him that she was alive at great personal sacrifice to himself. He had thrown it all away to save her and for that she felt a mixture of both immense shame and pride. Shame for herself, pride for her brother.  The spice he had consumed could have killed him; the quality of it had been only of the best, but he had done it to find her.  She would forgive him for it. Of course she would… she also knew that he would have a deeper addiction- but that was something to dwell on at a later time. When wounds had healed, scars had settled and life progressed.  Her good hand reached out for his and they clasped together, her smaller hand fitting perfectly in his.

Tomuraan rested on the other side of her, the man in deep meditation on the bed next to her. He had promised he wouldn’t leave her. He had kept his promise and Caer kept the faith that he would keep the promise. The Mirialan had been honest with her since they’d first met.

Caer felt the exhaustion grip her again and she yawned, her head drooping against the pillow. The steady breathing of all her guardians around her made her feel secure, safe and at peace.

She would have to wait and see what the future brought her. It would either bring her renewed friendships, new relationships and a stronger bond with her brother; or it would bring about a new enemy. She thought about that and decided to deal with it later. Much like she would deal with the news Sethias had delivered, of another being who sought her death.  When Caer had asked her companions why people wanted to kill her, wanted to hurt her, they said she stood for things that most people hated.  Neirov had said hope, Nia had said change and Tomuraan had brought up the end with compassion.

The three things Caer had always thought was normal, and even as her mind fell into that deep and hopefully dreamless slumber, Caer wondered if she had any fight left in her.

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