Deepest conversation full of lies.

What the hell had happened? Caer wondered as she walked along the trails that were mostly not very often traveled,  save for a few of the Voss that traveled around the area. They outlined one of the small villages and really were nothing more than game trails.

What was it that had gone on between her and Tomuraan that had gone in a gods awful direction in terms of conversation?

The day had been full of endless stress. The calls from the Senate, the demands for a statement, the questions about resolving this ‘crisis’ as they called it, the endless questions and thinly veiled snarks about her capabilities as an Ambassador had worn on her throughout the day.  The paperwork, the meeting with Book and Janos- discovering that the supposed assassin wasn’t even Republic or Imperial. Just some dead guy who either was desperate or stupid.  The details painting a picture that seemed to look bad from all sides.

Topped off with the fact that Dray had been on her ship. The failure of a force user turned assassin on her ship and in her brothers room no less had set her hackles up and her teeth baring in a fantastic display of snarling. Her brother and her had gotten into a fight, of course.  The fight had been a long and strained one, Caer not wanting to, Raiy feeling like he had to defend himself.

Maybe he had every right to feel that way.

Some part of her had felt jealous. Genuine jealousy over the fact her brother had someone other than her to go to now. She had always been the one he spoke to, always been the one that was there for him if he needed anything. But even she wasn’t so stupid to realize that he had needs she couldn’t help him with. Even now as she thought of that, her cheeks burned with a flush of embarrassment at that.

Caer continued to walk, aware of her surroundings even as she dropped into deep thought. These trails were safe, it wasn’t as if anything more dangerous than a Gormak could wander through here.

Tomuraan had shown up, had spoken with Raiy and herself as well as those who had come to report to Caer about what they’d found.  Raiy had excused himself- Caer had to hide the sense of sadness as he’d slipped off to his own ship. She knew why- and had left her alone with Tom.

Caer grimaced a bit as she mulled the hours that followed after that.

Toms offer to take her hunting had been too irresistible  to pass up. When had been the last time she’d gone hunting Gormak or an of the other creatures on this planet? Too long, far too long. The last hunt she’d been on had been for that strange girl who’d gone missing.  Tom had taken her by shuttle to one of the smaller villages and from there had unloaded their speeders for an enjoyable ride through the landscape to an area teeming with various creatures.

They’d enjoyed the attempt to hunt, even as they were nearly trampled by the creatures and had to escape with their lives intact. She’d laughed as Tom had suggested that they retreat and find easier hunting.

Tom and Caer had come upon one of the meditation shrines by accident. Caer’d never been there before and Tom had offered to show her, obviously she had agreed.  Caer kind of wished now she hadn’t. Not that it was a bad experience, not that something unspeakable had happened, if anything falling into the mind to meditate together had been something she’d never experienced with anyone outside of her brother before. To enter that state of mind with Tom had been a unique and intriguing experience.

They’d spoken at length, Caers emotions plain as day in that little ‘other world’ that they shared. It was harder to hides one emotions when someone shared that little ‘other world’. She’d admitted her frustration and jealousy with Tom about Raiyden. She’d admitted her confusion with Nierov.  She had admitted that she and Neirov had admitted their caring for one another, but that things had quickly changed after that. That something had felt like it had shifted in Neirov and Caer had wondered if the man had regretted what he’d said.

That’s when things had gone wrong.  Caer was sure of it now. She had been honest in admitting her emotions to someone she had trusted implicitly. She knew Tom to be in a relationship and had accepted that ages ago, it was something that she had told him flat out that yes, if things had been different she’d have pondered pursuing him, he had alluded to the same. But that wasn’t to be and Caer had accepted their friendship for what it was. A great friendship.

It had stung and offended Caer when Tom had made the comment that he’d never be what Neirov seemed like what Neirov didn’t want to be. It had cut deeply and it was only with the deep mustering of self contained emotions Caer had stated that was not what she had been implying.

It had  hurt. A lot that he’d even thought for a second Caer was trying to come onto him or whatever it was he thought.  That she’d been possibly hinting at the idea of wanting him for herself! Despite the fact that she respected him more than anything because he was with someone and loved them very much.  Never in a thousand years would she had considered  making an attempt to destroy something like that. She had swallowed the emotions of hurt and anger as much as she could, but even she realized he’d picked up on it and realized he’d said something wrong.

Caer shook her head and rested her head against the side of the tree, listening to the bird calls and the distant sound of the villagers doing their daily work.

She’d take this as a lesson. A harshly learned one that taught her that perhaps she couldn’t be as open, as candid as she thought with people. It gave the wrong impression.

Some part of her had a feeling she’d not see Tom for a very long time, if ever. Some other part of her kind of wished she didn’t see him again. It’d save her the embarrassment and the feeling of cheapness she felt at his comment.

Caer’s quieter part hoped, that she did see him again. Some part of her curiously wondering if she could move past what he said that hurt her deeply.

“Eh, get over it Caer. You have more important things to worry about.” She shook her head and turned around, heading back towards the main part of the city.  Paperwork awaited her approval and she still had to eat and shower and sleep before the night was through.

Besides, hurt goes away after a while. She thought to herself.

If not, at least lying about it helped.

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One comment on “Deepest conversation full of lies.

  1. Poor Caer. She and Raiy seem so terribly awkward because neither one of them know how to have a conversation with other people without sharing ‘too much’…merely because they don’t ever have that problem with each other.

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