Get through this.

Disclaimer: the people I wrote about in the journal I did so with the implied consent that comes with Rp.  Vertigus and Amaare are two people who I have had the immense pleasure of rping with and I hope they don’t mind me using the experiences I’ve had with them to write about in Caer’s journal. Nia, I have have permission to write about. If either people have issue with my interpretation, I apologize.


Caer straightened her back and leaned over the railing, her hair and eye covering fluttering in what passed for air on Nar Shaddaa.  It the heat of the buildings, the smell of the fumes of factories,  the plethora of unwashed bodies, the perfumes of washed bodies, the stench of Hutts, Rodians (they made her sneeze), and the other species that called this world home. She could almost recognize a species by smell sometimes over the heightened senses of her force sight.

It felt good out there, under the night sky, even if she couldn’t see it. A cool breeze wafted in from somewhere, momentarily driving away all the smell and giving her a rather rare treat of something more pleasant. It helped cool her temper even hours after the whole incident. She shivered slightly the cool breeze causing her flesh to raise in little bumps along her arms, shoulders and neck, the exposed belly and along her lower back. A shiver ran down her spine as she inhaled deeply. The sweat along the back of her neck cooled, making it feel itchy but she kept herself from letting go of the guard rail and scratching.

She knew she had overstepped her boundaries with the Darth. Vertigus, if she recalled his name correctly. She only ever heard Nia call him Verty. Admittedly it amused her, but she knew she shouldn’t have said something. It had almost come close to costing her at minimal a friend and at most her own life. Both had been smart enough though to let cooler heads prevail and part ways. It had only been a small choke hold on his part and a healthy warning shove through the force to get their points across.

Caer also knew enough not to bother apologizing. It’d be seen as weakness to the Darth and she was his equal in status  in terms of title, if not in power- that she could ascertain at least.  That would be something they would only be able to test in full on combat and that wasn’t something she was eager to try. She really had no problem with the pureblood. He seemed amicable enough when in neutral territory. It was with a bit of sadness that Caer felt when realizing that if they were anywhere else that either one would be fair game. She liked him well enough and if it came to it, she didn’t particularly want to kill the man, Nia seemed to like him enough to tolerate his possessiveness of her.

Caer’s lips quirked into a small smirk as she considered that. She wondered if Nia had any idea how possessive he seemed of her. Monopolizing her time and sitting or standing supremely close to her. Caer was naive in a lot of ways, but she was not naive to ‘see’ that the man wanted to claim her friend as some sort of prize as if from a festival contest stall.  Like some sort of doll that he could carry around and say “see what I won!” and then when the novelty wore off, he’d find a new stall with new prizes.

Of course she’d never tell Nia that, it just wasn’t something that was very proper to say to a friend even if it was possibly truth. Besides, Caer knew that Nia wasn’t naive in any way, shape, or form. The woman had decades on her when it came to experiencing the unsheltered life of childhood, teenage years and adult hood. Gods knew that she was a woman who while upholding a set of morals Caer would not call loose, she did know that Nia got into things Caer only could imagine and probably not very well.

She contemplated the fight of tonight and nodded to herself. No, she would not apologize to Darth Vertigus, but she would treat him with the same respect that she would expect he treat her. It was only fair, and in neutral territory there was no need for her to agitate an already labeled enemy of the Republic and the Order.  Perhaps that was something to consider, her comfort with Nia and in extension of that, she grew comfortable with the Darth because Caer did view him as an extension of Nia.  It wasn’t something she’d do again.  No, she would just act as if nothing had happened with only a few minor changes in her attitude towards the Pureblood.

Her and Nia had already apologized and it was because of Caer she had almost lost her friend because of allowing her temper to get the better of her after the fight.  Nia had been the one to call her up and apologize, and in turn Caer had apologized as well. It was Caers fault for letting her temper get the better of her. It had always been one of her weak points in training.

She had other things to consider now as well. Eira’s little deviance of somehow getting Caer and Amaare out on a date. Caer had been so flustered and it had taken all her skill and training as a Jedi to keep her ground and not bolt out the door like a youngling with her hair on fire. She had managed to only just sink behind the bar in utter embarrassment and the urge to kick Eira n the shin was one that had been rather strong. Amaare had taken it in good humor and Caer had agreed to go but even still now as she let the nights alcohol settle in her system rather than purge it, she realized that poor Amaare may have been pressured into agreeing. Even after her call to Nia she would likely give the poor man a chance to slip off that particular hook if he chose to.

For now, however it was time for bed and even as she turned away from the guard rail and made her way to her where her ship was docked- 44zesh, she remembered- she couldn’t help but shake her head. If this was what it was like to be considered ‘a normal civilian’ she had to wonder just how she was going to survive all of it.

No war, no contest of wills, no battle or even diplomatic mission, none of her training had ever prepared her for being just a normal every day person.



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